#humor

"You're My Favorite' If you want all your children to know they're your favorite,give them all the same nameand whisper this confession in all their earswith the promise not to telltheir brothers and sisters."

"Life Imprisonment with No Possibility of Parole [10w] "The needle is preferable to three hots and a cot."

"Love is a green sky on a blue pasture, and I am the flying cow eating it all up."

"To find out if she really loved me, I hooked her up to a lie detector. And just as I suspected, my machine was broken."

"No matter what dimension you're in, there's a big-headed male trying to take over the world."

"Losing your mind is preferable to losing your woman, because if you lose your woman you will also lose your mind, and then you’re left with nothing."

"Spreading Yourself Too Thin We tend to bite off more than we can chewbecause we've got big mouths."

"Sweater, n. Garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly."

"Iran [10w] In Teheran daylight dawnswith minarets against skies of bronze."

"Want coffee?"I asked, as I headed that way."It's three thirty in the morning.""Okay. Want coffee?"

"Louisiana Dynamite Fishin' {10w] "Uncle Jimbo sez, if dey don't float it ain't fishin'."

"Curran looked back at me. "Why is it you always attract creeps?""You tell me."Ha! Walked right into that one, yes, he did."

"Writing poetry and reading books causes brain damage."

"Once a Ponce a time she made me feel like a conquistador. Now her memory is just a breeze seen in swaying Spanish moss."

"Doldrums People who live in the doldrumscan't throw caution to the wind."

"Arianne had her feet up on the table, wearing a striped conductor's cap.Arriane was fixated on the game. A chocolate cigar bobbed between her lips as she contemplated her next move. Roland was giving Arianne the hawk eye."Checkmate, bitch,"Arianne said triumphantly, knocking over Roland's king."

"Leaps of Faith [10w] Like religion, leaps of faith are behind all idealistic movements."

"I really can't think about kissing when I've got a rebellion to incite."

"Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no fibs."

"I'm not a person who thinks they can have it all, but I certainly feel that with a bit of effort and guile I should be able to have more than my fair share."