#humor

"What's a Proper Tribute to Robin Williams? [10w] When funnymen die is to better to laugh or cry?"

"Trying to remember a dream from a decade ago is like trying to catch fog in a coffee filter. I could subsist on morning mist."

"Man...heats up like a lightbulb: red hot in the twinkling of an eye and cold again in a flash. The female, on the other hand...heats up like an iron. Slowly, over a low heat, like tasty stew. But then, once she has heated up, there's no stopping her."

"I don’t know what I’ll do until I know what you’ll do. I’m proactive with my preemptive reactive strategy."

"I’ll mark up my services 200%, and then offer them to you at a 50% discount—because I like you so much. That’s the Mother-in-law Discount."

"Premature Evacuation [10w] I've stopped all my relationships short,not unlike this poem."

"When jumping is the sole option, you jump, and try to make it work."

"but I have no mind for business and considered staying awake to be enough of an accomplishment."

"She asked me how I slept. Knowing she meant quality of sleep, I said I slept naked. It’s true. Ask any of the joggers who saw me sleepwalking."

"Cleverness vs. Crime [10w] Being caught's the only difference between cleverness and crime."

"When I asked my da how ye knew which was the right woman, he told me when the time came, I'd have no doubt. And I didn't. When I woke in the dark under that tree on the road to Leoch, with you sitting on my chest, cursing me for bleeding to death, I said to myself 'Jamie Fraser, for all ye canna see what she looks like, and for all she weights as much as a good draft horse, this is the woman."

"I should never be left alone with my mind for too long."

"I do maintain that if your hair is wrong, your entire life is wrong."

"People who practice freedom of expression are terrorizing our grammatical way of life."

"Mathematicians finally developed a financial model to accurately compare apples and oranges. Any two kinds of fruit can be compared, although guavas still cause minor rounding errors."

"Takes a lot of tries before you hit perfection."He paused to reconsider that. "Well, except for my parents. They got it on the first try."(Adrian)"

"Do you love him?"There were only a few people in the world who could ask me such insanely personal questions without getting punched. Dimitri was one of them."

"They call alcohol spirits, because it’s the spirit turned liquid. Would you drink my soul if you knew I’d use it to get inside of you? After all, most men buy women alcohol so they can get inside them too."

"A leap of faith doesn’t involve leg strength. Still, I can’t take any chances, so I’ve been doing squats."

"... for most practical purposes, Tarbean had two parts: Waterside and Hillside. Waterside is where people are poor. That makes them beggars, thieves and whores. Hillside is where people are rich. That makes them solicitors, politicians and courtesans."