#humor

"One Philosophical Question, Two Faces [10w] 'Is life wort living?' is tantamount to'Does God exist?"

"I hate reality but it's still the best place to get a good steak."

"Frank stared at him. "Unfair? You can breathe underwater and blow up glaciers and summon freaking hurricanes-and it's unfair that I can be an elephant?"Percy considered. "Okay. I guess you got a point. But the next time I say you're totally beast-""Just shut up,"Frank said. "Please."Percy cracked a smile."

"Personal branding is important to me as a person. It’s also important to me as a non-person. I am a rock."

"People usually asked her if she had a belly button. Of course she had a belly button. She couldn't explain how. She didn't really want to know."

"At first, I could lie about my lack of sleep and she'd fall for it, but she started suspecting insomnia when I began seeing purple elephants in the air vents at the office. I knew I shouldn't have asked her about them. I thought maybe she'd redecorated."

"It means 'Shadowhunters: Looking Better in Black Than the Widows of our Enemies Since 1234'."

"But there is in everything a reasonable division of labour. I have written the book, and nothing on earth would induce me to read it."

"Minus One [10w] We more people we fuckthe more lonely we become."

"Is it true that you shouted at Professor Umbridge?""Yes.""You called her a liar?""Yes.""You told her He Who Must Not Be Named is back?""Yes.""Have a biscuit, Potter."

"I love to sleep. Do you? Isn't it great? It really is the best of both worlds. You get to be alive and unconscious."

"It is one of those lessons that every child should learn: Don't play with fire, sharp objects, or ancient artifacts."

"I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train."

"Well, that's your opinion, isn't it? And I'm not about to waste my time trying to change it."

"Harlem P.O.V. Everything outside Harlem's the boondocks,where hayseeds opt out of Nikes for Reeboks."

"So when the moon's only partly full, you only feel a little wolfy?""You could say that.""Well, you can go ahead and hang your head out the car window if you feel like it.""I'm a werewolf, not a golden retriever."

"I love when my cat crushes his forehead into mine like my skull is an empty beer can. But it’s not—there’s still a sip left."

"Poetry Calling [10w] Poetry's not a calling.It's a whispering in your ear."

"A girl can still admire, can’t she? Even those who can’t afford to go in the store can still window-shop. Right? Knowing he wasn’t for me didn’t mean I couldn’t covet the merchandise."

"Tacos.""Tacos?"I echoed.This seemed to amuse him. "Tomatoes, lettuce, cheese.""I know what a taco is!"