#humor

"My teacher asked my favorite color. ... I said ‘Rainbow’.... and I was punished to stand out of my class."

"Regret vs. Good Times "If I had to regret the good times I spent with every lover who eventually disillusioned me,my love life would be reduced to ten seconds."

"the Real-World was a sprawling mess of a book in need of a good editor."

"Don't interrupt me while I'm interrupting."

"The Poet's Job [10w] + {Couplet} Trigger memory, explode an emotion;the poet must create commotion....................................................­....................."

"Ranger Smith, Unemployement and the Possibility of Unperceived Existence If a tree falls in the forest and we're not there,do we fire the park ranger without making a sound?"

"Liberating Dreams [10w] God was with Joseph in prison.They escaped through dreams."

"As Dead As "Nothing's changed at my place of birth.It is as dead as I remember leaving it."

"If I fail to succeed, I have succeeded in failing."

"A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain."

"It was impossible to get the Dimitri and Tasha thing out of my head, but at least packing and getting ready made sure I didn't devote 100 percent of my brain power to him. More like 95 percent."

"How do new watches catch up with old watches that have had more time to get a head start? This is what I pondered while I waited on her to fall in love with me."

"With eyes closed, a kiss is genderless. Now that mustaches are in fashion, some women are finding more hipster love."

"Spirochetes [10w] + {Couplet} Even amongst the spirochetes,there are the privileged and elites."

"Star No matter how bright the star, it's just part of a galaxy which is part of a constellation which is part of the night skywhich is part of the known universewhich is a speck of dust in God's eye."

"Sometimes God is Drunk [10w] Satan's sudden appearance means God is on a drinking binge."

"Death Has Bad Timing Death has bad timingbecause rigor mortis sets into your penisjust when you don't fucking need it."

"I am a master of logic and a powerfully convincing debater. In fact, against my better judgment, I can talk myself out of doing anything."

"[Ranger] "How's your mental health?"he asked. "I heard about Soder."[Stephanie] "I'm rattled.""I have a cure."Oh, boy.He put the truck in gear and headed for the exit. "I know what you're thinking,"he said. "And that wasn't where I was going. I was going to suggest work.""I knew that."He looked over at me and grinned. "You want me bad."I did. God help me."

"Frank stared at him. "Unfair? You can breathe underwater and blow up glaciers and summon freaking hurricanes-and it's unfair that I can be an elephant?"Percy considered. "Okay. I guess you got a point. But the next time I say you're totally beast-""Just shut up,"Frank said. "Please."Percy cracked a smile."