#humor

"That point in the sky where yellow meets blue, that’s a handshake I want to see at a #networking event. Sunglasses sold separately."

"Elend: I kind of lost track of time…Breeze: For two hours?Elend: There were books involved."

"Comedy vs. Satire [10w] Comedy pokes fun at society's self-inflation;satire deflates the balloon."

"She says he says, but she could be lying to me, and he could be lying to her, so I can’t believe her, even if I could believe her."

"You can’t win in love. But if you could, I’d be the clear victor. Vodka is also clear, and I must be drunk."

"You tell me you love me, but I’m not sure you know what love is, or how fast it flies, or how much it resembles a UFO, or what kind of weapon you’d use to shoot it down."

"A mini self-sacrifice is made when you force your heart to wait. I’ve got mine set on a timer, so I can do other things, like chase women."

"Love is like a portable lamp/sex toy. The world calls those flashlights, but I’m much more romantic."

"Why Utopias Fail When you tie several horses together and one takes the lead, they all fall."

"College is the best time of your life. When else are your parents going to spend several thousand dollars a year just for you to go to a strange town and get drunk every night?"

"Six-Pack [10w] A six-pack of beer's inversely proportional to six-pack of abs."

"I realize that humor isn't for everyone. It's only for people who want to have fun, enjoy life, and feel alive."

"I have only made this letter longer because I have not had the time to make it shorter."(Letter 16, 1657)"

"Lies vs. Truth [10w] I can only speak truth if I lie to myself."

"I had a dream about you last night. We were plug sockets in the bedroom. We saw only a short part of their day, but we knew everything of it."

"Brewing Poetry Comma sips between the lines,insights percolate into a 10w,a latte sonnet here, a cappuccino couplet there.A few smartass epiphanies,and something new in every brew.One final fix,voilà, the poem is fixed!I adore this caffeine,that alchemises the extraordinary into the routine,and vice versa with the unforseen.It turns blue aquamarine,and words into Mexican jumping beans."

"The baby batScreamed out in fright,'Turn on the dark,I'm afraid of the light."

"Love is an art. Mine could fill a museum the size of your heart."

"3 Surefire Ways to Win a Man You sucking my cock made our relationship interesting.You taking it up your ass made it meaningful.You cooking me dinner made it lasting."

"Civilized men are more discourteous than savages because they know they can be impolite without having their skulls split, as a general thing."