#humor

"I'm Not Talking About Fruitcake [10w] The greatest gifts are the ones that can be regifted."

"We'd spent maybe ten minutes together, during which time I'd accidentally swung a sword at her, she'd saved my life, and I'd run away chased by a band of supernatural killing machines. You know, your typical chance meeting."

"Cats don't need to be possessed; they're evil on their own."

"Mysteries force a man to think, and so injure his health."

"Go on, get out! Last words are for fools who haven't said enough!"

"Harry and Hermione are very platonic friends. But I won't answer for anyone else, nudge-nudge wink-wink!"

"Oy Vey Haiku (g)Nat's sphincter clenched.The skinhead asked, 'You a Jew?Minyan's one man short."

"So it's true. You can walk in sunlight. I thought perhaps it might have worn off.""If I feel the urge to burst into flames, I'll let you know."

"When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to do it."

"An opinion should be the result of thought, not a substitute for it."

"No, I really did. I walked into that room and saw the hottest, sexiest guy I've ever seen - wet and half naked. And I said, "Ewww."I know. How am I still single, right?"

"Who made you Queen of Literacy? Go sit in your car!"

"Why does death have to stop #love? It doesn’t stop people from voting in Chicago."

"Sometimes, just saying that you hate something, and having someone agree with you, can make you feel better about a terrible situation."

"Wikipedia is the first place I go when I'm looking for knowledge... or when I want to create some."

"A women can run, hide, play and have fun but she will shine far better when she just smiles without none."

"I really don't see anything romantic in proposing. It is very romantic to be in love. But there is nothing romantic about a definite proposal. Why, one may be accepted. One usually is, I believe. Then the excitement is all over. The very essence of romance is uncertainty. If ever I get married, I'll certainly try to forget the fact."

"A mini self-sacrifice is made when you force your heart to wait. I’ve got mine set on a timer, so I can do other things, like chase women."

"I think a cool #startup would be a company that makes Finish line tape, for marathons. In the long run, it could be very profitable."

"I like my coffee like Colfax Avenue mixed with Atlantic Boulevard, and if you're buying then I'm driving. Let's sip this romance slowly."