#humor

"I am not absentminded. It is the presence of mind that makes me unaware of everything else."

"What Teenage Boys Do On Their Computer All Day [10w] ctrl alt delete ex-girlfriendcut paste Penelope Cruzpost Facebook"

"I'm not sure if there's one right place I'm supposed to be, he said, but I know a couple of wrong places I'd give a second try in a heartbeat."

"I tried to contain myself... but I escaped!"

"Hope for the Heartbroken A broken heartremains in piecesbut learns to love againwith every fragment."

"At church, during communion, they give out free wine. Whoa! Talk about a great place to drink and meet women."

"I don’t want to be a supermodel; I want to be a role model."

"It means 'Shadowhunters: Looking Better in Black Than the Widows of our Enemies Since 1234'."

"Eddie Money and Johnny Cash should have collaborated. I’d have paid good last name to see them in concert."

"I sat down and tried to write a story."Ian MacArthur is a wonderful sweet fellow who wears glasses and peers out of them with delight."That was the first sentence. The problem was that I just couldn't think of the next one. After cleaning my room three times, I decided to leave Ian alone for a while because I was starting to get mad at him."

"I gave her a hundred dollar bill. She said, “Thanks, how can I repay you?” I replied, “Two fifties would be good, but three fifties would be better."

"You didn't have to come after me.""Yes, I did,"he said. "You're far too inexperienced to protect yourself in a hostile situation without me.""That's sweet. Maybe I'll forgive you.""Forgive me? Fro what?""Fro telling me to shut up."His eyes narrowed. "I did not... Well, I did, But you were-""Never mind."

"We are like chameleons, we take our hue and the color of our moral character, from those who are around us."

"Know yourself better than your opponent knows you, know your opponent better than he knows himself, know yourself better than you know your opponent, and know you have all this knowledge and you will be victorious. That’s the advice I’ll give my clone before I defeat him in battle."

"Recipe for Love [10w] Recipe for love:compatibilityattraction ~just add penis and stir."

"I, myself, have killed six people. All random, all undetected, no way to trace them to me. And, let me tell you, there's nothin' like it. It's a great feeling. Yeah, I know, you're thinking. 'Aw, he's a comedian. He's just sayin' that stuff.' Good. That's exactly what I want you to think."

"Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog. Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There's so little hope for advancement."

"Night clubs are where Americans learn the laws of motion."

"Why it's simply impassible!Alice: Why, don't you mean impossible?Door: No, I do mean impassible. (chuckles) Nothing's impossible!"

"What can I say? I prefer to die well informed."