#humor

"I had a dream about you last night... you kept meowing at people and licking yourself it was not unlike you normally."

"Everything in this room is edible. Even I'm edible. But, that would be called canibalism. It is looked down upon in most societies."

"People, generally, suck."

"Meatloaf is graphable in how far ahead it is in likeability categories. You can also play Mop the Floor with it. I make love like I make dinner that makes cleaning the kitchen more fun for the whole family."

"Free your mind from routine, keep your brain somewhere else"

"What to do if you find yourself stuck in a crack in the ground underneath a giant boulder you can't move, with no hope of rescue. Consider how lucky you are that life has been good to you so far. Alternatively, if life hasn't been good to you so far, which given your current circumstances seems more likely, consider how lucky you are that it won't be troubling you much longer."

"Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups."

"You are allowed to think whatever you want at Emory, so long as it is approved by administrators. They are watching."

"First Pallas and now you,” the gray-haired man said, shaking his head at Nick. “It’s like I’m running a goddamn dating service around here."

"I’m more terrified of failure than rejection—so I’ll no my way to YES!"

"Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity."

"I challenge you to find a more innocuous sentence containing the words sperm, suction, swallow, and any homophone of seaman. And then call me up on the homophone and read it to me."

"Ah, well,ʺ said Abe, idly studying his fingertips. ʺI have it on good authority thereʹs going to be a new ‘gateʹ opening up soon over on the south side of the wall."The truth dawned on me. ʺOh lord. Youʹre the one whoʹs been doling out C4.ʺʺYou make it sound so easy,ʺ he said with a frown. ʺThat stuffʹs hard to get a hold of."

"Life's greatest tragedy is not that it will someday end, but that most only live to follow directions and sometimes we end up totally lost."

"The English novels are the only relaxation of the intellectually unemployed. But one should not be too severe on them. They show a want of knowledge that must be the result of years of study."

"How're we getting to King's Cross tomorrow, Dad?"asked Fred as they dug into a sumptuous pudding."The Ministry's providing a couple of cars,"said Mr. Weasley.Everyone looked up at him."Why?"said Percy curiously."It's because of you, Perce,"said George seriously. "And there'll be little flags on the hoods, with HB on them-""-for Humongous Bighead,"said Fred."

"Thai-kus From the dark starfishof the 300 Baht whoremy white sperm bubbles.Reclining BuddhaBirds nest in your golden ears.What wisdom they hear."

"Love Undeniable [10w] A lover may deny anything to their lover but love."

"Orion brightened. "I have an idea.""Yes?"said Foaly, daring to hope that a spark of Artemis remained."Why don't we look for some magic stones that can grant wishes? Or, if that doesn't work, you could search my naked body for some mysterious birthmark that means I am actually the prince of somewhere or other."

"A diary with no drawings of me in it? Where are the torrid fantasies? The romance covers?"