#humor

"When I asked my da how ye knew which was the right woman, he told me when the time came, I'd have no doubt. And I didn't. When I woke in the dark under that tree on the road to Leoch, with you sitting on my chest, cursing me for bleeding to death, I said to myself 'Jamie Fraser, for all ye canna see what she looks like, and for all she weights as much as a good draft horse, this is the woman."

"Scientology [10w] There's nothing more oppressive than the ignorance of foolish belief."

"You're the queen, and it's the queen's house, and whatever Brigan may accomplish, he's highly unlikely ever to be queen."

"I actually like how doctors talk. I like the sound of science. I like how words you don't understand explain things you can't understand."

"An eye for an eye my friend."

"All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher."

"Some things are fairly obvious when it's a seven-foot skeleton with a scythe telling you them"

"The good, the bad, and the ugly basically sums up my sex life. Except that I’ve never had the good."

"She's the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success wrong by wrong."

"Every guy says he's not like every guy, thus proving he is like every guy. Show me a guy who's different, and I'll tell you to stop pointing at me."

"I called an insurance company to get a quote. They gave me one of Oscar Wilde’s best."

"What is Love? [10w] Love is the stubborn desire to find permanencein impermanence."

"Love is where you find it. I think it is foolish to go around looking for it, and I think it can be poisonous. I wish that people who are conventionally supposed to love each other would say to each other, when they fight, 'Please — a little less love, and a little more common decency'."

"Why on earth would you buy a car like this if you can't drive a stick? There are dozens of cars--new cars--that have automatic transmission. It'd be a million times easier."Adrian shrugged. "I like the color. It matches my living room."

"Deadly Sex Haiku Each thrust of his cockwas another coffin nailhammered in my heart."

"I knocked on her door twice. The second time was from the inside. That’s how love works. At first you want in, and then you want out."

"Blood may be thicker than water, but it's certainly not as thick as ketchup. Nor does it go as well with French fries."

"Time is Not a Constant [10w] Time speeds up, crawls, compresses and expands depending on mood."

"One day, on tearing off some old bark, I saw two rare beetles, and seized one in each hand. Then I saw a third and new kind, which I could not bear to lose, so I popped the one which I held in my right hand into my mouth. Alas! it ejected some intensely acrid fluid, which burnt my tongue so that I was forced to spit the beetle out, which was lost, as was the third one."

"I’ve spent a lifetime learning to love—the lifetime of a chameleon. But hey, I’ve learned a lot in the last year, though you couldn’t tell because I camouflage my feelings."