#humor

"Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog. Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There's so little hope for advancement."

"The cat hair floated in the air like a sound vibration, and I plucked it like a guitar string. Sometimes I can be so musical I’m like a living love song."

"She said this in the same way you might say Fields of Punishment or Hades's gym shorts."

"You know you have ADD when Look A chicken - T-shirt"

"Because you can't argue with all the fools in the world. It's easier to let them have their way, then trick them when they're not paying attention."

"Keep Austin Weird Haiku Neck dragon tattoo, piercings, purple haired kindergarten teacher.Keep Austin weird."

"I want to be the first and second man to dance on the moon. No, I won’t moonwalk. But I will Cha Cha—with my clone."

"For others, in spite of myself, from myself."

"Do you wanna play? Everyone's dead, so I got bored. Did you come to play with me?--Wrath"

"I don’t want to develop—I want to evelop, because it’s more positive. Similarly, would you rather your love evolve or devolve? That’s why if you need me, I’ll be on the sofa trying to evelop myself as a person."

"I realize that humor isn't for everyone. It's only for people who want to have fun, enjoy life, and feel alive."

"I make love like I make coffins—with my bare hands, alone in my garage. On sale through Thursday—Buy One Funeral, Get A Second One Free!"

"Sometimes we can focus so much on nothing that we make it a big something of nothing"

"Thank You, Adobe [10w] Thanks to Photoshop,a picture isn't worth a single word."

"Nobody think about that broken heart... life goes on, broken heart never join together but it tries very hard to get joined again. That;swhy may be it said "Heart is like a mirror, if its broken can never be joined."

"Murphy hung up and I said, to the still-open line, "Hey, if you've got someone watching my place, could you call the cops if anyone tries to steal my Star Wars poster? It's an original."Then I vindictively hung up on the FBI. It made my inner child happy."

"Hey, Geekoid!"yelled Duncan Dougal, "Why do you read so much? Don't you know how to watch TV?"

"My vacation wasn’t long enough—and neither was my penis. Two weeks is just too short to satisfy one woman all night long."

"Money [10w] The root of all evil has a well earned reputation."

"A goal without a plan is just a wish."