#humor

"I can envision your success all day long, but until you imagine its reality, it’s not going to happen. So what are you waiting for? Start daydreaming."

"I have the superhero gift of invisibility. I must be invisible, because the woman I love doesn’t see me. I might as well be into Helen Keller."

"I love people who make me laugh. I honestly think it's the thing I like most, to laugh. It cures a multitude of ills. It's probably the most important thing in a person."

"Just about everything in this world is easier said than done, with the exception of "systematically assisting Sisyphus's stealthy, cyst-susceptible sister,"which is easier done than said."

"His shelf. Good. Noodle dust. Decaying brain collecting dust. Must insert it back in skull—what was I thinking?"

"No dumb bastard ever won a war by going out and dying for his country. He won it by making some other dumb bastard die for his country."

"Tessa: I won't know if I like it until I try it, will I?"Will: "I've never swum naked in the Thames, but I know I wouldn't like it.""But think how entertaining for sightseers,"said Tessa, and she saw Jem duck his head to hide the quick flash of his grin."

"I want to say something so embarrassing about September that even the leaves start blushing and turning red."

"I like my coffee like Colfax Avenue mixed with Atlantic Boulevard, and if you're buying then I'm driving. Let's sip this romance slowly."

"Basically, all women are nurturers and healers, and all men are mental patients to varying degrees."

"Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you."

"As Long As It Has a Fast Internet Connection {Couplet} I need a cozy den to winter in,a hiberaculum away from the city's din."

"How long have you been a Wiccan?''A what?''A pagan. A witch.''I'm not a witch,' I said, glancing out the door. 'I'm a wizard.'Sanya frowned. 'What is the difference?''Wizard has a Z'He looked at me blankly.'No one appreciates me.' I muttered."

"Self-growth comes from being nurtured, not tortured. I had to learn this the hard way. On sale now: Iron Maiden. Only used once."

"My answer is nope, so don’t even hope."

"Don't go looking for boys in the darkThey will say pretty things thenleave you with scars.Do go looking for boys in the parkFor that is where the true gentlemen are."

"Another werewolf thing. Like most animals, we spent a large part of our lives engaged in the three Fs of basic survival. Feeding, fighting and... reproduction."

"As a rule of thumb, hitchhiking is no fun. If you’re going to stand around waiting to move, you may as well get paid to hold a pawnshop sign."

"It's a lazy Saturday afternoon, there's a couple lying naked in bed reading Encyclopediea Brittannica to each other, and arguing about whether the Andromeda Galaxy is more 'numinous' than the Ressurection. Do they know how to have a good time, or don't they?"

"This is the best night of my life,"Raffy says, crying."Raffy, half our House has burnt down,"I say wearily. "We don't have a kitchen.""Why do you always have to be so pessimistic?"she asks. "We can double up in our rooms and have a barbecue every night like the Cadets."Silently I vow to keep Raffy around for the rest of my life."