#humor

"Westley: This is true love — you think this happens every day?"

"I was supposed to be waiting up here when you got back, only your Phoenix lot got in the way...”“Yes, they do that,” said Dumbledore."

"We did it, we bashed them wee Potter's the one, and Voldy's gone moldy, so now let's have fun!"

"What's the whole point of being pretty on the outside when you’re so ugly on the inside?"

"Tell people there's an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure."

"Some Semblance of Such "To lose one's identity to a Doppelgänger may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose multiple identities speaks of Nabakov."

"Hidden [10w] God hides enough happiness in sadness to light the world."

"Life Imprisonment with No Possibility of Parole [10w] "The needle is preferable to three hots and a cot."

"Success is suffocating. The air is thinner at the top."

"If Jesus came back and saw what was being done in his name, he'd never stop throwing up."

"A dysfunctional family is any family with more than one person in it."

"Most books on witchcraft will tell you that witches work naked. This is because most books on witchcraft were written by men."

"What's this?"he demanded, looking from Clary to his companions, as if they might know what she was doing there."It's a girl,"Jace said,recovering his composure. "Surely you've seen girls before, Alec. Your sister Isabelle is one."

"Cookie Cutter Criticism A critic tried to fit my sense of humor in a cookie cutter,but it wouldn't fit his preconceived shape of what comedy should be.So he pressed harder, and harder and harder until the cookie cutter cut a cookie shaperight through the palm of his hand.It doesn't hurt anymore when the critic tries to slap me in the face.There's no more hot-air resistance."

"My name represents me, but it’s not who I am. It’s just a collection of letters. Unfortunately, none of them are love letters."

"Mmm Mmm Good Gimmick Campbell's Soup announced todayit's introducing 'QWERTY' soupfor our more computer literate children.Who are they kidding?They're just relabeling the old Alphabet Soup."

"It's so hard to believe in anything anymore. I mean, it's like, religion, you really can't take it seriously, because it seems so mythological, it seems so arbitrary...but, on the other hand, science is just pure empiricism, and by virtue of its method, it excludes metaphysics. I guess I wouldn't believe in anything anymore if it weren't for my lucky astrology mood watch."

"There's More Than Two Choices [10w] Don't take the road less traveled;blaze your own path."

"Spontaneous Gift Giving [10w] Learn to give gifts spontaneously accompanied by a love note."

"We're actors — we're the opposite of people!"