#humor

"Child on a Swing Haiku Child screeches like birdas swing reaches for heaven.Stars fill his pocket."

"It's the idea that people living close to nature tend to be noble. It's seeing all those sunsets that does it. You can't watch a sunset and then go off and set fire to your neighbor's tepee. Living close to nature is wonderful for your mental health."

"Sometimes God is Drunk [10w] Satan's sudden appearance means God is on a drinking binge."

"The world isn't fair, Calvin.""I know Dad, but why isn't it ever unfair in my favor?"

"People usually asked her if she had a belly button. Of course she had a belly button. She couldn't explain how. She didn't really want to know."

"what would you call this haircut?"arthur."

"Maybe he thinks he can rescue me? No one is that stupid."

"There is safety in numbers. And science. Clone your way to being safe. Nobody can protect you like you. And you and you and you."

"In the Porn Industry [10w] Lacking a college-diploma's more than compensated by a humongous penis."

"Hash, x. There is no definition for this word - nobody knows what hash is.Famous, adj. Conspicuously miserable.Dictionary, n. A malevolent literary device for cramping the growth of a language and making it hard and inelastic. This dictionary, however, is a most useful work."

"The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found."

"You climbed into my window in the middle of the night. So, either you're some kind of Vampire or some kind of Perv. Which is it?"

"To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you're right, shut up."

"I always cheer up immensely if an attack is particularly wounding because I think, well, if they attack one personally, it means they have not a single political argument left."

"I saw this beautiful girl the other day. She had an ass behind her that seemed to go on for days. In fact, I’m still going on about her."

"Your Excellency, I have no need of this hypothesis."

"Dogs have four legs, just like chairs. I would take mine for a walk, but I’m sitting on it."

"Unwitting Measure [10w] + {Couplet} "You I love and treasurein an equal, unwitting measure."

"I don't know about your true form, but the weight of your ego sure is pushing the crust of the earth toward the breaking point."

"Ask me if I sparkle and I’ll kill you where you stand.” (Bones)"