#humor

"I don’t know what I’ll do until I know what you’ll do. I’m proactive with my preemptive reactive strategy."

"Rooftop Poetry Sing poetry from rooftopslike a muzzein' s call for prayer."

"We're actors — we're the opposite of people!"

"There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and foget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity."

"My Secret for Out-of-the-Box-Thinking To help me writein my signature out-of-the-box style,I sit in front of my humidifier that I've filled up with Grey Goose vodka.My humidifier is now at Underwriters Laboratoriesin a 12-Step Programand buddied up with a de-humidifier."

"There's nothing like the discovery of an unknown work by a great thinker to set the intellectual community atwitter and cause academics to dart about like those things one sees when looking at a drop of water under a microscope."

"Choice vs. Disease [10w] People who label lack of control a disease evade responsibility."

"Imaginary Friends [10w] My imaginary friend insulted me by calling me real."

"I’d fight for your love like I’m Tyler Durden. I want you to hit on me as hard as you can."

"What are you grinning at?"Katsa demanded for the third or fourth time. "Is the ceiling about to cave in on my head or something? You look like we're both on the verge of an enormous joke.""Katsa, only you would consider the collapse of the ceiling a good joke."

"Curran looked back at me. "Why is it you always attract creeps?""You tell me."Ha! Walked right into that one, yes, he did."

"Just about everything in this world is easier said than done, with the exception of "systematically assisting Sisyphus's stealthy, cyst-susceptible sister,"which is easier done than said."

"Artists exist to show us the world. So do windows."

"Artemis felt like he was six again and caught hacking the school computers trying to make the test questions harder"

"Travel [10w] The difference between a traveler and vacationer is one arrives."

"I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don't want to pull a muscle, so I stretch a lot. That's why I'm constantly either rolling my eyes or yawning."

"Leigh did what any sane female faced with such an e-mail would do: deleted it to resist the temptation of replying, cleared her trash to resist the temptation of recalling it, and then called tech support to restore all her recently deleted e-mails. (Chasing Harry Winston)"

"To be the best, you have to be willing to do what nobody does. And today, if nobody reads and nobody works hard, then you also have to give up reading and become lethargic to be successful."

"I've learned that you know your husband still loves you when there are two brownies left and he takes the smaller one."

"I do not,"I felt oddly appalled by her statement. "I'm an excellent liar. Ask my dentist. He swears I floss regularly."