#humor

"You want sensitive and understanding, stick with the therapist.You want great,headbanging sex, get off the fucking phone and come with me."

"When a man learns to love, he must bear the risk of hatred."

"If you were to ask me the best time of day to fall in love, I'd say, "Now."But you'd also have to remember to factor in the fact that my watch is eleven minutes fast."

"Hell's holy stars and freaking stones shit bells."

"Bite me, Harry Potter."

"You know your Lamborghini is on fire, right?"

"I'm happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in."

"Hatred is a Simple Child Hatred is a simple child nurtured and coddled in a raging heart and then released into a crowd of innocents wearing a suicide vest."

"All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed."

"Personally, I think so-called "common language"is more interesting and apropos than "proper English"; it's passionate and powerful in ways that "wherefore art thou ass and thy elbow"just isn't."

"I want to make something of myself. I believe it’s called a statue."

"A good night sleep, or a ten minute bawl, or a pint of chocolate ice cream, or all three together, is good medicine."

"Unfriend Politeley Means"

"The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates."

"Sweater, n. Garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly."

"My formula for life is very simple: in the morning, wake up; at night, go to sleep. In between I try and occupy myself as best I can."

"Toasts During the hymeneal repast,The guest stood silent as toasts were cast.The Best Man bore witness to a dozen years pastThe Bridesmaid joked about a relationship that wouldn’t lastThe groom listened and held the hand of the brideKnowing his real toast was buttered on the other side."

"Three be the things I shall never attain: Envy, content, and sufficient champagne."

"Some people have a way with words, and other people...oh, uh, not have way."

"The true New Yorker secretly believes that people living anywhere else have to be, in some sense, kidding."