#humor

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder, until it stops beating. Getting ripped out of the chest tends to have that effect."

"I got arrested for driving naked. I guess I shouldn’t have put four wheels, an engine, and a steering wheel on my bathtub. I’m a do-it-yourself kind of lover."

"♥ Love ♡ My heart skips a beat every time you walk through the door!It isn't love ~ I have an arrhythmia."

"In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem."

"Hit ain't sacrilege. Miss Effie Belle says when she cain't think what to have for dinner, she asts God and right off He gives her an idea. To my thinkin', thet's sacrilege."Miss Love really laughed. "There's not a woman in the world who hasn't prayed what to cook for dinner, Rucker!"

"Battered Women [5w] Battered womenare more crispy."

"You did not just say that. I have a feeling we're on the verge of hugging and coming up with cute nicknames for each other."

"The simplest strategy for bouts of noxious flatus is to not care. Or perhaps to take advantage of a gastroenterologist I know: get a dog. (To blame.)"

"She didn't say it, I only thought she said it. So really it was my thought, my words, and not hers. How could I confuse "I love you"with "May I take your order?"

"I had a dream about you. You suggested to split the profits, so I did. I threw one half in the furnace to power the steam engine, and the other half in the air to distract our pursuers."

"I had a dream about you. You were writing names and numbers in a book, and I asked if that was a phone book or the Book of Life. You answered in a way that blinded me with light, and I grew afraid. So I said, “Hey, what is that over there?” and I pointed over your shoulder, and when you turned to look I scribbled my name on the bottom of page one."

"The other day I went to the Huddle House. I wasn’t hungry, I just wanted to call some plays."

"Talking to Myself I used to talk to myself until myself criticized myself.Now I'm giving myself the silent treatment."

"I resisted the urge to hurl my plate at him. “Of course not, Ian. It’s just that normally at this hour, Bones and I are fucking like rabbits, so I get twitchy when I have to wait for him to climb aboard."

"Writing poetry and reading books causes brain damage."

"That dress…was a very, very good decision. I could write an entire poem on the virtues of your legs alone. You are a feast for the senses.” I laughed. “I don’t know about a feast. Maybe just an hors d'oeuvre.” He took my hand and wrapped it around his arm. “Not an hors d'oeuvre. The dessert. And I plan to spoil my appetite."

"Humor keeps us alive. Humor and food. Don't forget food. You can go a week without laughing."

"Stratospherical Poems [10w] Poets circle the earth in a higher orbit than readers."

"Present {Couplet} Our present is the dissipating despair of our past mingled with the promise of our future we hope will last."

"I'm a poet, and I like my lies the way my mother used to make them."