#humor

"Mistletoe,"said Luna dreamily, pointing at a large clump of white berries placed almost over Harry's head. He jumped out from under it. "Good thinking,"said Luna seriously. "It's often infested with nargles."

"He looked at the beautiful woman frowning up at him and his cock did nothing. His eyes shot back to Zoe and damn if his cock didn't twitch happily. Trevor swallowed hard as realization hit.There was something wrong with his dick."

"I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia."

"If chance be the Father of all flesh, Disaster is his rainbow in the sky, And when you hear State of Emergency! Sniper Kills Ten! Troops on Rampage! Whites go Looting! Bomb Blasts School! It is but the sound of man worshiping his maker."

"There is safety in numbers. And science. Clone your way to being safe. Nobody can protect you like you. And you and you and you."

"Also, I'm sleeping with your mom. Just thought you should know."

"If I ever meet myself,' said Zaphod, 'I'll hit myself so hard I won't know what's hit me."

"Dreams like a podcast,Downloading truth in my ears.They tell me cool stuff.""Apollo?"I guess, because I figured nobody else could make a haiku that bad.He put his finger to his lips. "I'm incognito. Call me Fred.""A god named Fred?"

"Some of the worst mistakes in my life were haircuts"

"Free running is wall dancing, and that’s why I do my best moves while sitting in a rocking chair. I like to relax dangerously."

"Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages."

"And if, by the end [of this book], you reckon you might still disagree with me, then I offer you this: you'll still be wrong, but you'll be wrong with a lot more panache and flair than you could possibly manage right now."

"Money [10w] The root of all evil has a well earned reputation."

"Detonation vs. Pre-Ignition [10w] Poets have thin skins;physicists call this differential burn rates."

"An alcoholic is someone you don't like, who drinks as much as you do."

"For your birthday I got you some batteries. They’re dead, just like you’ll soon be."

"They'd Rather Switch [10w] Hearing is wasted on the blind;sight, on the deaf."

"Malachi scowled. "I don't remember the Clave inviting you into the Glass City, Magnus Bane.""They didn't,"Magnus said. "Your wards are down.""Really?"the Consul's voice dripped sarcasm. "I hadn't noticed."Magnus looked concerned. "That's terrible. Someone should have told you."He glanced at Luke. "Tell him the wards are down."

"The voice of Love seemed to call to me, but it was a wrong number."

"I put tape on the mirrors in my house so I don't accidentally walk through into another dimension."