#humor

"Preserving Beauty [10w] + {Couplet} Preserving beauty is futile;even Cleopatra returned to the Nile."

"His eyes widened just a bit, his lips flexed. I realized he was trying not to laugh. I hate it when people find my threats amusing."

"When it’s raining, instead of using an umbrella, try holding an empty drinking glass above your head. That’s exactly how I thirst for your love."

"What's up?"[asked Ford.]I don't know,"said Marvin, "I've never been there."

"The only reason my wife agreed to marry me is because Christian Bale wasn’t around to propose to her."

"You don’t need batteries for an introduction. Buy my Networking in a Box today and see for yourself. (Handshakes sold separately.)"

"The Cure [10w] Laughter, love and faith can cure 95% of all illnesses."

"Love knows no boundaries. I wish I would have known that before I hired a cartographer to map out my romantic territory."

"The Poet is God When a poem's words perfectly fit,it has legs.When they communicate well,it has a voice.When they make you think,it has a mind.When the make you feel,it has a heart.Think about it.When you write a poem,you've created a person,with a distinct identityand an immortal soulthat you send out into the worldto possibly change the world.Now you know what it feels liketo be God."

"The very first thing I tell my new students on the first day of a workshop is that good writing is about telling the truth. We are a species that needs and wants to understand who we are. Sheep lice do not seem to share this longing, which is one reason they write so very little. But we do. We have so much we want to say and figure out."

"Yeah, but the lost diadem,"said Michael Corner, rolling his eyes, "is lost, Luna. That's sort of the point."

"Celebrity [10w] Celebrity is an insignificant zit on the surface of history."

"Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. This is also true of religion, although you will not find me saying so in print."

"My answer is nope, so don’t even hope."

"Here is my final point. About drugs, about alcohol, about pornography and smoking and everything else. What business is it of yours what I do, read, buy, see, say, think, who I fuck, what I take into my body - as long as I do not harm another human being on this planet?"

"The world is a stage and the play is badly cast."

"I'm not really sure what makes a book a 'classic' to begin with, but I think it has to be at least fifty years old and some person or animal has to die at the end."

"The difference between a karate chop and a high five is the same as the difference between a knife and a paddle. My love can slice like a piece of pizza."

"Goose Neck [10w] Whenever a goose has a car accident, the traffic sucks."

"What is God? [17] [10w] God has a fondness for cosmology and carbon-based life forms."