#humor

"This is my knife. It is very sharp and very eager to hurt you."

"Everyone is born creative; everyone is given a box of crayons in kindergarten. Then when you hit puberty they take the crayons away and replace them with dry, uninspiring books on algebra, history, etc. Being suddenly hit years later with the 'creative bug' is just a wee voice telling you, 'I'd like my crayons back, please."

"Don't wreck a sublime chocolate experience by feeling guilty.Chocolate isn't like premarital sex. It will not make you pregnant.And it always feels good."

"Save the Last Dance for Me Life is a Hesitation Waltz danced to swing time measure. We're all given the free will to suspend our moving foot or slowly drag it during the halt."

"I observe Stand Still Day. I also observe whatever I’m standing in front of at the time. I hope on that day I see how much you love me."

"Getting married is like trading in the adoration of many for the sarcasm of one."

"Think of me as an impetuous Hegel, drunk with power, and also, regular drunk."

"Mom says it's because she has PMS.Do you even know what that means?"I'm not a little kid anymore. It means pissed-at- men syndrome"

"Babe!"

"What...what about when I'm married?”“We'll buy a cot. Your husband can sleep on that when he visits."

"Snoring keeps the monsters away."

"1953 It seems the world has gone downhill since the year Sir Edmund Hillary climbed Everest."

"No! Try not. Do, or do not. There is no try."

"Do little pink fairies sing and dance in your world, Peabody?""Sometimes, when it's very quiet and no one else can see."

"Maturity is a bitter disappointment for which no remedy exists, unless laughter could be said to remedy anything."

"What does it mean to be the best? It means you have to be better than the number two guy. But what gratification is there in that? He's a loser—that’s why he's number two."

"Gifts Never look a gift horse in the assor a donkey in the mouth."

"Before I could lose my courage, I said, "Don't I get a kiss for luck? It's kind of a tradition, right?"I figured she would punch me. Instead, she drew her knife and stared at the army marching toward us. "Come back alive, Seaweed Brain. Then, we'll see."

"Charlie whistled "Amazing Grace"as he drove. It was all I could do not to whip my head around and snap, Are you kidding me? Couldn't he pick something more appropriate, like "Shout at the Devil"or "Don't fear the Reaper"? Some people had no sense of the proper music for a kidnapping."

"You see? I know where every single book used to be in the library.' She pointed to the shelf opposite. 'Over there was Catch-22, which was a hugely popular fishing book and one of a series, I believe."