#humor

"James - "Are you paying attention or just trying to make me look like an idoit?"Elizabeth - "Oh, I'm definately paying attention. If you look like an idiot it has nothing to do with me."

"I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them."

"I got a new car. I just need to put it together. They’re easier to steal piece by piece."

"If those at your top are weak, your bottom will be rotten"

"That was horrible. Horrible. That poor little guy."Pex was unrepentant. "Yeah, well, he asked for it. Calling us ... all those things."But---buried alive! That's like in that horror movie. Y'know -- the one with all the horror."I think I saw that one. With all the words going up on the screen at the end?"Yeah, that was it. Tell you the truth, those words kinda ruined it for me."

"Who made you Queen of Literacy? Go sit in your car!"

"I’ll finish the bottle of wine, while you finish what you were saying about how good it is. If you waste no words, I’ll waste no time."

"If I ever meet myself,' said Zaphod, 'I'll hit myself so hard I won't know what's hit me."

"Nothing but good times ahead."

"Nice dress. Take it off."

"My writing has appeared in the New Yorker and The Atlantic Monthly, though whenever the newsstand guy catches me scribbling my poetry in them, he always comes along later and erases it."

"Self-Motivation [10w] "Today I'll do something more extraordinarythan I did yesterday."

"#Networking is people looking for people looking for people. As for me, I’m more of a birdwatcher."

"It called to him, a sweet heady beacon of femininity, fertility, and fuckability. His three favorite f-words."

"So that's little Scorpious. Make sure you beat him in every test, Rosie. Thank god you've inherited your mother's brains."

"I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time."

"Wild!"Ron said, twiddling the replay knob on the side. "I can make that old bloke down there pick his nose again... and again... and again..."

"Soar Like a Pigeon [10w] Better be a pigeon than an eagle with Indians around."

"I bet you anything that 10 times out of 10, Nicky, Vinny and Tony will beat the shit out of Todd, Kyle and Tucker."

"The slang for the rectum is "prison wallet"."