#humor

"Deaf [10w] No man suffers deafness if he listens with his eyes."

"I mined my mind, and I found no love. My heart is where excavation yields gold, and if you dig me as much as I dig you, we can both get rich."

"Brilliance is impossible without a touch of insanity."

"People go to church for the same reasons they go to a tavern: to stupefy themselves, to forget their misery, to imagine themselves, for a few minutes anyway, free and happy.-- Circular Letter to My Friends in Italy"

"But Piglet is so small that he slips into a pocket, where it is very comfortable to feel him when you are not quite sure whether twice seven is twelve or twenty-two."

"This is a good place,"he said."There's a lot of liquor,"I agreed."

"Where is human nature so weak as in the bookstore?"

"The impossible often has a kind of integrity to it which the merely improbable lacks."

"Rules and school are tools for fools! I don't give two mules for rules."

"I am not a glutton - I am an explorer of food"

"It's like learning to ride a unicorn. You never forget."

"We're actors — we're the opposite of people!"

"Buy one I love you for $3.99. Buy twelve for $48.00. That’s a savings of twelve cents—directly into my bank account. WARNING: CHOKING HAZARD—Objects not intended for individuals who tend to put forever objects in their mouths."

"Yellow flowers are like physical manifestations of sunlight. I’m growing a garden of sunglasses just to help save eyesight and make the world a little bit cooler."

"A stationary bike is a device that epitomizes the phrase “hurry up and wait."

"Four flips the gun in this hand, presses the barrel to Peter's forehead, and clicks a bullet into place. Peter freezes with his lips parted, the yawn dead in his mouth. "Wake. Up,"Four snaps. "You are holding a loaded gun, you idiot. Act like it."

"THINGS YOU NEVER HEAR: 'Please stop sucking my dick or I'll call the police."

"I had a dream about you last night. We were plug sockets in the bedroom. We saw only a short part of their day, but we knew everything of it."

"A word to the wise is infuriating."

"If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?"