#humor

"Shuck it,” Minho responded. “I’m tougher than nails. I could still kick your pony-lovin’ butt with twice this pain.” Thomas shrugged. “I do love ponies. Wish I could eat one right now."

"A woman I had sex with is carrying my child, because God has made it so that my hands are full. They’re full of hope for the future."

"Sometimes I think books are the only friends worth having."

"You should never assume. You know what happens when you assume. You make an ass out of you and me because that's how it's spelled."

"I was kind of excited to go to jail for the first time and I learnt some great dialogue."

"Yes, the long war on Christianity. I pray that one day we may live in an America where Christians can worship freely! In broad daylight! Openly wearing the symbols of their religion... perhaps around their necks? And maybe -- dare I dream it? -- maybe one day there can be an openly Christian President. Or, perhaps, 43 of them. Consecutively."

"Where is Wood?"said Harry, suddenly realizing he wasn't there."Still in the showers,"said Fred. "We think he's trying to drown himself."

"Hello Poetry Needs Y'allz How empty the oceans would be were it only filled with orcas."

"Nine out of ten politicians are thieves. The tenth politician is a liar, and the one who conducted the survey."

"Reconstruction of Japan After World War II [10w] 'I am what I plan'became the motto of modern-Japan."

"To love someone as much as you love yourself, that is the ideal. Especially if that someone is your clone."

"My nickname isn’t Scarface—it’s Scarf Ace. I make knitted neck warmers like I make love—one grandmother at a time."

"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."

"Buttercup's mother whirled on him. 'Did you forget to pay your taxes?' (This was after taxes. But everything is after taxes. Taxes were here even before stew.)"

"There is until there isn’t. That’s just the way it is. Until it isn’t."

"Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business."

"The 'Ugly' Poet [10w] Poets develop cleverness with wordsto compensate for their unattractiveness."

"Spirituality and Aging Spirituality comes naturally to the old because they're running out of options."

"Hungry When you're hungry everything tastes good.Note to myself: Don't get married when you're hungry."

"Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there."