#surreal

"I just bought a new dishwasher. Some guy was selling two of them in a barn, and it was either that or get a horse, but horses leave spots on silverware."

"I'm going to sell Flash Bang Wow Fuzz (not a drill) in a bottle, but I’m not sure how to market it. Maybe as a drinkable alternative to love."

"I sell soap. Buy two bars and get a FREE shower. (Water not included.) Act within the next 15 minutes and I’ll even throw in the towel. I quit!"

"The strands of DNA are like strings, and it’s as if I am a walking guitar, a musical being whose vibration can be heard as love."

"I’m so restless when I rest that I make sleepwalkers look like statues. If The Thinker could run 26.2 miles, it would need a baseball glove to catch me."

"Free running is wall dancing, and that’s why I do my best moves while sitting in a rocking chair. I like to relax dangerously."

"I love the sound of the trees in the breeze. If the forest is so clearly musical, why can’t it play the guitar while I sing Nirvana covers?"

"I didn’t give her my full attention. The bottle was half full when she started drinking. Still, from it she grew distracted, so my farming technique worked."

"I am the washing machine of love. And if you have no idea what I mean, maybe it’s time to let some laundry into your life."

"Let us embrace each other like we have the arms of two chairs. Let us dance like our legs are those of a table. We should do dinner sometime."

"It’s not uncommon for me to be early to meetings by as much as a half a gallon. I guess the reason I am so punctual is because I have a very fluid concept of time."

"Love is a green sky on a blue pasture, and I am the flying cow eating it all up."