Bill Watterson

"I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information."

"Reality continues to ruin my life."

"If you can't win by reason, go for volume."

"Ms. Wormwood: Calvin, can you tell us what Lewis and Clark did? Calvin: No, but I can recite the secret superhero origin of each member of Captain Napalm's Thermonuclear League of Liberty. Ms. Wormwood: See me after class, Calvin. Calvin: [retrospectively] I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information."

"You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocket ship underpants don't help."

"You know, sometimes kids get bad grades in school because the class moves too slow for them. Einstein got D's in school. Well guess what, I get F's!!!"

"In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks."

"To invent your own life's meaning is not easy, but it's still allowed, and I think you'll be happier for the trouble."

"Sometimes when I'm talking, my words can't keep up with my thoughts. I wonder why we think faster than we speak. Probably so we can think twice."

"That's the whole problem with science. You've got a bunch of empiricists trying to describe things of unimaginable wonder."

"I'm killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness."

"Years from now, when I'm successful and happy, ...and he's in prison... I hope I'm not too mature to gloat."

"CALVIN:Our hero regains consciousness at the feet of a sarcastic alien."

"I liked things better when I didn't understand them."

"Things are never quite as scary when you've got a best friend."

"HOBBES:Virtue needs some cheaper thrills."

"CALVIN:As usual goodness hardly puts up a fight."

"We're so busy watching out for what's just ahead of us that we don't take time to enjoy where we are."

"HOBBES:If you don't get a goodnight kiss you get Kafka dreams."

"CALVIN:This whole Santa Claus thing just doesn't make sense. Why all the secrecy? Why all the mystery?If the guy exists why doesn't he ever show himself and prove it?And if he doesn't exist what's the meaning of all this?HOBBES:I dunno. Isn't this a religious holiday? CALVIN:Yeah, but actually, I've got the same questions about God."