humor

"Pasteboard pies and paper flowers are being banished from the stage by the growth of that power of accurate observation which is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it...."

"Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse."

"Beer has that Olympic medal color,” Rot replied, “but does it have a winning taste? I’d hardly call silver a champion flavor. No, I’ll stick to my red wine."

"No, I do my torturing in the dungeon like any other respectable castle owner,"

"The reason for the unreason with which you treat my reason , so weakens my reason that with reason I complain of your beauty."

"You know, I'm Australian, and we have got the worst sense of humor. We are cruel to each other."

"If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?"

"Our love, that’s real. Our currency, the dollar, that’s imaginary. Invest in us, and I promise you that you won’t lose your life’s savings."

"I still haven't found the humor in getting hit by a cement truck. My knees still hurt when I think about it, so no jokes about that yet."

"If there is one thing I dislike, it is the man who tries to air his grievances when I wish to air mine."

"I'm a 21st-century kid trapped in a 19th-century family."

"Oh that looked painful,"called another Puck, a little farther down. "We really need to talk about your anger-management problems."

"I like to vote, but not be voted on. I don’t mind losing one on one, but to lose through a vote means the majority think I’m a loser."

"I don't care what is written about me so long as it isn't true."

"The total absence of humor from the Bible is one of the most singular things in all literature."

"I have this horrible sense of humor where I think discomfort is funny - partly because I experience discomfort a lot, and it's a way of laughing at it and getting a release."

"Last night I didn’t sleep for a solid eight hours. No, it melted a little. Damn global warming."

"Writer’s block is only a failure of the ego."

"I made this [letter] very long, because I did not have the leisure to make it shorter."

"Ever heard of the rule of three? he shouts as we run.No!If you save somebody's life three times, their life belongs to you. You saved my life today, that makes once. Save it twice more an I'm all yers."