humor

"A study in the Washington Post says that women havebetter verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh."

"I think humor is a very serious thing. I use it as a way of weakening the reader's defenses so that I can more easily take him to something more."

"I wouldn’t feel great if you left me alone, but I wouldn’t feel bad either. I’d feel good, like I always do, which has nothing to do with you, even if you’ll have nothing to do with me."

"Why do people always expect authors to answer questions? I am an author because I want to ask questions. If I had answers, I'd be a politician."

"That's not a bad word...hate and war are bad words, but fuck isn't."

"Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?"

"Why sell farming equipment to farmers? I should cut out the middleman and sell tractors directly to people dining in restaurants."

"Peter to Austin:"Hard-ons don't make you think less. They make you think stupid. Which makes me think you must have one 24/7."

"Free running is wall dancing, and that’s why I do my best moves while sitting in a rocking chair. I like to relax dangerously."

"I don't think of myself as funny - I don't fill up a room with my humor... I would fail miserably as a stand-up comedian."

"The purpose of this lectchoor is to let you know where we are. We are in the deep cack. It couldn't be worse if it was raining arseholes. Any questions?"

"You wash the horse, and I’ll wash the horse trainer. Then we’ll wash the dishes while we gallop into the sunset like two dirty lovers."

"I’m not going to lecture you on the error of your ways. Not until you fetch me a podium and a microphone. I’ll also need a screen, a projector, and a laser pointer."

"Civilized men are more discourteous than savages because they know they can be impolite without having their skulls split, as a general thing."

"I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens."

"Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time."

"I have been definitely influenced more by Latin American writers than by any other type of writer. They are very close in terms of voice - their humor, their fatalism, their... well, that over-used term 'magical realism.' It's a wonderful term that's just been used so much, we don't know what it means anymore."

"I would say that Emma Stone and Emma Watson are two very talented young actresses who are very intelligent and have a great sense of humor and have learned to balance what they love with their acting career, and I think that's really a great thing."

"Beautiful face. Beautiful body. Horrible attitude. It was the holy trinity of hot boys."

"Now what happens?"asked the man in black. "We face each other as God intended,"Fezzik said. "No tricks, no weapons, skill against skill alone.""You mean you'll put down your rock and I'll put down my sword and we'll try to kill each other like civilized people, is that it?"