humor

"Bad humor is an evasion of reality; good humor is an acceptance of it."

"You know how confusing the whole good-evil concept is for me."

"My cat is ignorant of the law. But then so am I. That means I am not his master, because we are both slaves."

"You're Valentine's son. I'm sure you're the one the Queen really wants to see. Besides, you're charming. Maybe not at the moment."

"I want to be the founder of a #startup app called Quid Pro Squid. No idea what it will do, but if I can get enough users, VC money will flow."

"My mother told me that life isn't always about pleasing yourself and that sometimes you have to do things for the sole benefit of another human being. I completely agreed with her, but reminded her that that was what blow jobs were for."

"We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart."

"Man...heats up like a lightbulb: red hot in the twinkling of an eye and cold again in a flash. The female, on the other hand...heats up like an iron. Slowly, over a low heat, like tasty stew. But then, once she has heated up, there's no stopping her."

"Sweater, n. Garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly."

"A good night sleep, or a ten minute bawl, or a pint of chocolate ice cream, or all three together, is good medicine."

"We're not retreating, we're advancing in reverse.' --Skulduggery Pleasant"

"A diary with no drawings of me in it? Where are the torrid fantasies? The romance covers?"

"Mary-Lynnette: "You have not read 'Pride and Prejudice'."Ash: "Why not?"Mary-Lynnette: "Because Jane Austen was a human."Ash: "How do you know?"Mary-Lynnette: "Well Jane Austen was a woman, and you're a chauvinist pig."Ash: "Yes, well, that I can't argue."

"I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it."

"It's like learning to ride a unicorn. You never forget."

"what's your name?"what?"i asked, squinting at the light.your name."I reconized Dr. Olendzki peering over me.you know my name."I want you to tell me."Rose. Rose Hathaway."Do you know your birthday?"Of course I do. Why are you asking me such stupid things? Did you lose my records?"Dr. Olendzki gave an exasperated sigh and walked off, taking the annoying light with her. "I think she's fine,"

"I'm not 17 anymore. I still have some of the same sort of anger, but I have a sense of humor about it... a sense of being constructive with that anger."

"Trophies are clutter at best, and weapons at worst. I prefer my awards heavy and with handles."

"Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken!"

"I don't have a very quick sense of humor."