humor

"With eyes closed, a kiss is genderless. Now that mustaches are in fashion, some women are finding more hipster love."

"Have you made any other friends since we've been here?"I gave him the death stare. "Yes, actually.""Who? I want a name.""Jamie Roth.""The Ebola kid? I heard he's a little unstable.""That was one incident."

"What you see on stage is pretty much the way I am... a dry sense of humor."

"I’ll stand by you. And by stand I mean cower in your shadow. It’s probably cold there, so I’m going to knit myself a warm cat sweater to wear."

"But it was this tough little character part that I was playing, a very funny little guy that I invented over a weekend, because I realized I was not contributing to the humor of this thing. And I had to do something."

"I think kids want the same thing from a book that adults want - a fast-paced story, characters worth caring about, humor, surprises, and mystery. A good book always keeps you asking questions, and makes you keep turning pages so you can find out the answers."

"I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100."

"We all pay for life with death, so everything in between should be free."

"Last night I dreamt that somebody loved me.No hope, no harm; just another false alarm"

"Only a true best friend can protect you from your immortal enemies."

"Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?"

"The presence of those seeking the truth is infinitely to be preferred to the presence of those who think they've found it."

"Husbands are chiefly good as lovers when they are betraying their wives."

"My dad is just like everybody else's dad. I see him as kind of a goofy guy with a great sense of humor. I try to get in a battle of wits with him, but he always gets me. I emulate him because I've never seen anyone work as hard as he does."

"We take the shortest route to the puck and arrive in ill humor."

"When humor works, it works because it's clarifying what people already feel. It has to come from someplace real."

"Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity."

"When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead."

"After a long pause in which he took the time to blink several times, he asked, "You named your breasts?"I turned my back to him with a shrug. "I named my ovaries, too, but they don't get out as much."

"Geez, you guys. I know I'm popular and all, but seriously, you're a bit too co-dependent for me. I'm going to need you to step away from my personal bubble."A wispy vine-woman curled ivy tendrils around his arm, and he sliced through them with his dagger. "No! Bad Wraith! No touchie!"