humor

"A sofa on an elevator would be like a slow roller coaster where you get to work on your small talk skills. Oh yes, I am an adrenaline junky."

"That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can't say 'No' in any of them."

"Malachi scowled. "I don't remember the Clave inviting you into the Glass City, Magnus Bane.""They didn't,"Magnus said. "Your wards are down.""Really?"the Consul's voice dripped sarcasm. "I hadn't noticed."Magnus looked concerned. "That's terrible. Someone should have told you."He glanced at Luke. "Tell him the wards are down."

"The other day I went to the Huddle House. I wasn’t hungry, I just wanted to call some plays."

"Nothing's a better cure for writer's block than to eat ice cream right out of the carton."

"Yes, boys are a little like shoes. Why? Well...They can be useful. But mainly...They are nice to look at. Getting the right one can be a lovely accessory to an outfit. There are times when you couldn't do without them. And there are times when you'd rather do without them. Get the wrong ones and they can hurt. There are many types and often the ones that look the nicest are completely unpractical."

"I had a second friend come over to my house, and do you know what I called her? A refill. If relationships aren’t drinkable, why do we thirst for them so much?"

"Yeah, the whole family knows. It's no big deal. One night at dinner I said, 'Mom, you know the forbidden love that Spock has for Kirk? Well, me too.' It was easier for her to understand that way."

"The summer temperature outside was 45 degrees, so I turned 45 degrees and went right back inside. It was so cold outside because that’s where all her love for me was."

"I think humor can be an effective way of getting the point across, but there are definitely times where I just write very earnestly."

"You find out in life that people really like you funny. So what do you give 'em? Humor. And then if you show them the other side, they don't like you as much. I find, too, that I can hide behind the idiot's mask being funny, and you never see the sorrow or the pain."

"My hobbies include rubbing my nipples across a cheese grater, meeting cat ladies on Tinder, and voting for either Democrat or Republican every four years. You could say I am a torture enthusiast."

"In the long run, even a marathon looks like a sprint. This is how I can love with such Roger Bannisteresque intensity."

"It's good to be able to laugh at yourself and the problems you face in life. Sense of humor can save you."

"Sometimes I find I'm wearing a divided, split brain in terms of drama and humor."

"The line between humor and bad taste is your audience, in which some people will find everything offensive, and some people will find nothing offensive, but the truth is that most humor originates in what would be called bad taste."

"That's what careless words do. They make people love you a little less."

"Bite me, Harry Potter."

"Mom. I have something to tell you. I’m undead. Now, I know you may have some preconceived notions about the undead. I know you may not be comfortable with the idea of me being undead. But I’m here to tell you that undead are just like you and me … well, okay. Possibly more like me than you."

"Other than the voices in my head, I think I’m pretty normal."