humor

"This is a feminist bookstore. There is no humor section."

"I resisted the urge to hurl my plate at him. “Of course not, Ian. It’s just that normally at this hour, Bones and I are fucking like rabbits, so I get twitchy when I have to wait for him to climb aboard."

"when you're not looking, somebody'll sneak up and write "Fuck you"right under your nose."

"All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed."

"Alphabet: a symbolic system used in algebra, with applications that have yet to be discovered by dyslexics and two thirds of college graduates."

"Vote for the man who promises least; he'll be the least disappointing."

"A farce, or slapstick humor, does well universally."

"If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance."

"Three Rings for the Elven-kings under the sky, Seven for the Dwarf-lords in halls of stone,Nine for Mortal Men, doomed to die, One for the Dark Lord on his dark throneIn the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie. One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them, One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them.In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie."

"Bite me, Goth princess,” Shane called from the back. “Not literally or anything.”“Maybe you should say that to Michael.”“Not funny, Eve,” Michael said.Eve raised her eyebrows and held her fingers up, measuring off about an inch. “Little bit,” she said."

"I just like playing interesting, complex, complicated characters. I like films that also have an element of humor."

"Men drive off bridges and drink too much because of women like you."

"You're going to burn in a very special level of hell. A level they reserve for child molesters and people who talk at the theater."

"We are not actually in charge of life, yet behave as if we are the masters of our own destiny. The realization of this fact is quite a hard one. The ridiculousness of our pomposity and presumption can only result in anger or humor."

"I have a beard of fog that I wear on misty mornings. It’s not cigarette smoke, but I’d understand if you wanted to shave it off and inhale it."

"Oh, look at that, he's heard of me. My fame grows."

"The road to enlightenment is long and difficult, and you should try not to forget snacks and magazines."

"Look on the bright side,"said Simon, "If they need a human sacrifice, you can always offer me. I'm not sure the rest of you qualify anyway."

"My daughter doesn't even get my humor. She's like, 'Um, no. I don't get it, Dad. Mmm, no, not that one, Dad.'"

"A joke's a very serious thing."