humor

"I need more frugality. I wonder where I can buy some."

"I know I was writing stories when I was five. I don't know what I did before that. Just loafed, I suppose."

"If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?"

"You know what I like most about people? Pets."

"I really believe, or want to believe, really I am nuts, otherwise I'll never be sane."

"All I do is have fun. When I'm not working, it's about making people laugh. I love making jokes about things. Even when someone's mad at me, I'll deflect anger with humor. My days are filled with laughter. If I'm not laughing, I'm not happy."

"If you look back, Mozart, Haydn and Beethoven were mixing music and humor all the time."

"Every day I’m growing as a man. I’m not growing in height, but rather I’m growing in love, which makes me seem taller than I really am."

"If we went by the world's definition of who I'm supposed to be because I look weird... 'Well, surely, this guy can't have a productive life, surely, he doesn't have a sense of humor. Surely, he can't love life.' We stereotype people in this world. And so... if the world thinks you're not good enough, it's a lie, you know. Get a second opinion."

"You look as scary as a buttered muffin."

"I look up to say something but he puts his finger to my lips and whispers, “Don’t talk. You’ll just spoil my fantasy of rescuing an innocent damsel in distress as soon as you open your mouth."

"You're going to burn in a very special level of hell. A level they reserve for child molesters and people who talk at the theater."

"I admired Stephen Daldry very much; I think he's a brilliant director, and also, I feel close to him because he has a lot of theater behind him. He's also a man of great imagination and a lovely sense of humor."

"If I was on the road to Hell, at least I was going in style."

"What's the whole point of being pretty on the outside when you’re so ugly on the inside?"

"Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so."

"I'm a girl of extremes. When I love something, I'm like a puppy dog (without all the licking). When I'm cranky, I'm a wasp (like a whole hive of 'em). And when I'm angry, I'm a Mother Bear with a predator after her cubs: Dangerous."

"Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer."[Mark Twain, a Biography]"

"Me and Katy look adorkable in extraterrestrialhighway shirts. You would just look stupid. You can thank me later."

"Men are more interesting in books than they are in real life."