humor

"Principled hate is a hell of a lot stronger than "Boy, I wish you hadn't mummified me and thrown me into the lake"hate."

"You write the way you think about the world. My motto in times of trouble - and I'm speaking of life, not writing - is 'no humor too black.'"

"I love tables. And dancing. Oh, and I love table dancing, although Grandmother always says, "Wait until we're finished eating."

"Humor in a relationship is so important. Many women will say that. Some say, 'If they can make you laugh, it's the sexiest thing on earth.'"

"Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night."

"If it gets laughs, it's funny."

"Run first,' Shane said. 'Mourn later.'It was the perfect motto for Morganville."

"I may not look like much, but I'm an expert at pretending to be a ninja."

"I’ll wear a maze on a necklace, dangling over my chest, because if you want to get at my heart, you have to be ready to lose yourself."

"Sometimes, I feel discriminated against, but it does not make me angry. It merely astonishes me. How can any deny themselves the pleasure of my company? It’s beyond me."

"My I love yous were watered down, which was how I was able to grow such a beautiful garden. I’m a relationship farmer, and I’m growing as a person."

"I wrote an edible cookbook. The pages are made out of tortillas. It’s also the Book of Love. (Batteries and hot sauce sold separately.)"

"I’ll stand by you. And by stand I mean cower in your shadow. It’s probably cold there, so I’m going to knit myself a warm cat sweater to wear."

"But it also became the experience, or was the experience, of the writers who were attracted to this kind of humor. They're all men or women who come from the same kind of experience in their own lives."

"I’ll bet opening a store called Boobs and Books would increase literacy. I prefer a hands-on approach to learning."

"A joke's a very serious thing."

"Emergency dance party--go away."

"You're still here. No beer. I'm not corrupting a minor.""But you're a minor,"she pointed out. "At least for beer.""Yeah, and by the way, how much does it suck that I'm an adult if I kill somebody, and I'm not if I want a beer?"

"Men love it. They have a sense of humor, whereas a lot of women are threatened or just don't get it."

"Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends."