humor

"I want everyone to meet you. You're my favorite person of all time."

"They say you don't want to meet your heroes, but those two guys, you do want to meet them, because they do not disappoint. Walken has this amazing sense of humor, and Pacino is like just a sweetheart of a guy."

"Get there early because hope does not park your mother-fucking car."

"In matters of grave importance, style, not sincerity, is the vital thing."

"Love is a process, either growing or shrinking, but never stagnant. My love for you was David, and now it is Goliath. Also, my love for you was Goliath, and now it is David."

"Elizabeth: "Your balls, Mr. Darcy?"Darcy: "They belong to you, Miss Bennett."

"Instead of committing suicide, people go to work."

"NO PDA,school rules. And besides she's my partner dickhead."said Alex."

"Falling in love is painful on the knees."

"I think that some books are more successful than others to certain readers. People who read my books for the humor, they're going to love one book. People who read my books for the mystery, they might not like that book quite as much."

"Some birds are not meant to be caged, that's all. Their feathers are too bright, their songs too sweet and wild. So you let them go, or when you open the cage to feed them they somehow fly out past you. And the part of you that knows it was wrong to imprison them in the first place rejoices, but still, the place where you live is that much more drab and empty for their departure."

"My mother was Irish; she had this great sense of humor, and both my parents loved films. There was a very vibrant discourse about politics and everything that was going on in the world where I grew up. So I was genetically predisposed to go into the performing arts."

"It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious."

"When life gives you lemons, chunk it right back."

"I’m an atheist and I thank God for it."

"The man once wrote: Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they are subtle and quick to anger. Tolkien had that one mostly right.I stepped forward, let the door bang closed, and snarled, "Fuck subtle."

"Fiction was invented the day Jonah arrived home and told his wife that he was three days late because he had been swallowed by a whale.."

"I planted a kamikaze kiss on Jamie’s cheek.“FUCK,” he shouted, wiping it off. “What if you killed me!” He threw a Skittle at my face. It hit my forehead.“Ow!”“Taste the rainbow bitch."

"Tyson- "Cash? Like...green paper?"Percy- "Yeah."Tyson- "Like the kind in duffel bags?"Percy-"Yeah, but we lost those bags days a-g-g--.""Tyson! How did you--"Tyson- "Thought it was a feed bag for Rainbow. Found it floating in sea, but only paper inside. Sorry."

"Your as slow as a fat kid on crutches"