humor

"God knows I had not wanted to fall in love with her. I had not wanted to fall in love with any one. But God knows I had and I lay on the bed in the room of the hospital in Milan and all sorts of things went through my head but I felt wonderful..."

"Noah shifted on the bed, and the oddest crunching sound came underneath him. I looked, really looked, at the bed for the first time."What,"I asked slowly, as I eyed the animal crackers strewn all over it, "the hell?""You were convinced they were your pets,"Noah said, not even trying to suppress his laughter. "You wouldn't let me touch them."

"George Bush isn't Hitler. He could be if he applied himself."

"You can only be in a bad mood for so long before you have to face up to the fact that it isn't a bad mood at all; it's just your sucky personality."

"Freddie experienced the sort of abysmal soul-sadness which afflicts one of Tolstoy's Russian peasants when, after putting in a heavy day's work strangling his father, beating his wife, and dropping the baby into the city's reservoir, he turns to the cupboards, only to find the vodka bottle empty."

"I am the broth of love. Make soup to me."

"My heart is locked away in a cage surrounded by ribs. That’s to protect it, and to keep the world safe. It’s currently serving a life sentence."

"How do you feel right now?""I hurt like hell.""You'll feel worse tomorrow.""So?""So, better get a jump on this while you still feel...not as bad.""What kind of logic is that?"I retorted."

"You wash the horse, and I’ll wash the horse trainer. Then we’ll wash the dishes while we gallop into the sunset like two dirty lovers."

"A love story in six words: Hello. Goodbye. In between was marriage."

"A tree with red leaves is like an old man with gray hair. Likewise, my love for you was blue, but now it’s orange, and that’s a compliment."

"My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people."

"A crate full of discreet would appear to be empty. But it’s not. It’s full of my love for you."

"My stories are very somber, so I think I need the comic ingredient. Besides, life has so much humor."

"Do you think it's possible for an entire nation to be insane?"

"I’m not a very good sleeper. But you know what? I’m willing to put in a few extra hours every day to get better. That’s just the kind of hard worker I am."

"I’ll stand by you forever. Or at least until noon, and then I’ll go stand under the cabana. Isn’t love amazing?"

"It is characteristic of all deep human problems that they are not to be approached without some humor and some bewilderment."

"So be sure when you step, Step with care and great tact. And remember that life's A Great Balancing Act. And will you succeed? Yes! You will, indeed! (98 and ¾ percent guaranteed) Kid, you'll move mountains."

"Max, if you survive your final test, can you steal me one of those magic outfits for me?"I'll try to get one for each of us. Hey! 'If'?"