humor

"Even as a kid I was never the generator of humor, but I always knew who was funny, who to hang out with."

"I was so depressed I thought about committing TV. I mean suicide. In the end I decided to binge on @Netflix and it really made me feel better."

"Look! A trickle of water running through some dirt! I'd say our afternoon just got booked solid!"

"I was pretty much a child of 'Monty Python.' I grew up loving that type of humor and even structured a lot of humor in the same fashion."

"I quote others only in order the better to express myself."

"I've got to start listening to those quiet, nagging doubts."

"Humor is something that thrives between man's aspirations and his limitations. There is more logic in humor than in anything else. Because, you see, humor is truth."

"That woman doesn't have the sense God gave a retarded flea."

"I like very dry humor. I don't like things that are over the top. I like subtlety. I like things that are nonchalant. I like characters that are sort of monotone and based in dark comedy."

"Is it true that you shouted at Professor Umbridge?""Yes.""You called her a liar?""Yes.""You told her He Who Must Not Be Named is back?""Yes.""Have a biscuit, Potter."

"After a long pause in which he took the time to blink several times, he asked, "You named your breasts?"I turned my back to him with a shrug. "I named my ovaries, too, but they don't get out as much."

"Can you be a girl for a few seconds?""I'm always a girl"I frown."You know what I mean. Like a silly, annoying girl"I twirl my hair around my finger. "Kay."

"My name is Percy Jackson. I'm twelve years old. Until a few months ago, I was a boarding student at Yancy Academy, a private school for troubled kids in upstate New York.Am I a troubled kid?Yeah. You could say that."

"I should never be left alone with my mind for too long."

"My hands could be considered deadly weapons. You see, I write with both of them."

"Stop acting so small. You are the universe in ecstatic motion."

"And I thought that all those little kids are going to grow up someday. And all of those little kids are going to do the things that we do. And they will all kiss someone someday. But for now, sledding is enough. I think it would be great if sledding were always enough, but it isn't."

"I have found out that there ain't no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them."

"Knocking on a door is so violent. Instead, try talking to the door to get it to open up to you. I should write a self-help book for door-to-door salesmen."

"His sentences didn't seem to have any verbs, which was par for a politician. All nouns, no action."