humor

"I water fake plants, because I’m growing a garden of fake mustaches. Lest no man (or woman) question my ability as a lover."

"I don't know why people are afraid of lust. Then I can imagine that they are very afraid of me, for I have a great lust for everything. A lust for life, a lust for how the summer-heated street feels beneath my feet, a lust for the touch of another's skin on my skin...a lust for everything. I even lust after cake. Yes, I am very lusty and very scary."

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."

"The biggest challenge after success is shutting up about it."

"When I started out, it was around the whole 9/11 - Islamophobia was just sort of hitting a second wind. Obviously that informed a lot of my humor, and it influenced a lot of what I was talking about on stage because it was extremely relevant at the time."

"Daddy was hilarious. He could take the most mundane event and tell it so that we all on the floor laughing. He trained me in the joys of humor."

"You have something on your neck. What Looks like a bite mark, what were you doing out all night, anyway? Nothing. I went walking in the park. Tried to clear my head. And ran into a vampire What? No! I fell. On your neck?"

"My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the heck she is."

"I feel like I could be the best, but I’m not going to openly admit that. At least not to any of my clones."

"I am a wizard, not a baboon brandishing a stick."

"Red hair, sir, in my opinion, is dangerous."

"I believe that singing is the key to long life, a good figure, a stable temperament, increased intelligence, new friends, super self-confidence, heightened sexual attractiveness, and a better sense of humor."

"It wasn’t until I’d walked halfway across the parking lot that I realized: 1. I wasn’t wearing shoes. A. Or a shirt. 2. I didn’t bring my keys A. Or anything really. 3. I’d just left a complete stranger in my apartment. A. Naked.Whoever said one-night stands were supposed to be simple with no strings attached had clearly never met the disaster that was me."

"As an actor, I'm attracted to drama; as a director, it's humor - because it's the story of my life, and I can't be that serious about it. Being alone is a big theme in all my movies, both as a director and as an actress."

"Humor has justly been regarded as the finest perfection of poetic genius."

"In rough times, pathfinders rely on work, friends, humor and prayer. They develop a support network."

"Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse."

"I just got done digging a hole shaped like a human body. But I have no idea what to bury. I’ll probably hide all my love for you, like I would with any other treasure."

"I've dated girls that aren't, this is gonna sound so horrible, that aren't super smart, but they still are super confident, and that's more what I've been attracted to is the confidence and the sense of humor."

"Denzel Washington has a great sense of humor. He did all those 'Nutty Professor' movies."