humor

"Of all sports, wrestling is the most like cuddling. I’m all sweaty because I’m training hard to show her how much I love her."

"Personal branding is important to me as a person. It’s also important to me as a non-person. I am a rock."

"Yeah, the whole family knows. It's no big deal. One night at dinner I said, 'Mom, you know the forbidden love that Spock has for Kirk? Well, me too.' It was easier for her to understand that way."

"Some people try to change the world one life at a time. Others try to change the world one death at a time. And I try to change the world one bucket full of dirt at a time."

"Make your own Bible. Select and collect all the words and sentences that in all your readings have been to you like the blast of a trumpet."

"Throw in the humor, throw in that personality, try things you wouldn't normally try."

"I don't know if my sense of humor goes over Americans' heads."

"Moths,"repeats Will. "You're afraid of moths?""Not just a cloud of moths,"she says, "like...a swarm of them. Everywhere. All those wings and legs and..."She shudders and shakes her head."Terrifying,"Will says with mock seriousness. "That's my girl. Tough as cotton balls.""Oh, Shut up."

"Here,"Myrnin said, his voice still gentle and low. "Amelie said you had to work. No one said you had to work alone."He picked up the next part and slotted it in, took the screwdriver from Claire's numbed fingers, and fastened it with a couple of deft, fast movements. "I'll be your hands."She wanted to cry, because it was so sweet, but it wouldn't do any good."

"I drive as fast as four tire swings hanging from a tree branch in the middle of winter. I also make love with as much speed and rotation."

"I remember when humor was gentle pokes. I used to call it 'arm around the shoulder' humor. Now they go for the jugular and they take no prisoners. It's mean, mean stuff."

"The purpose of this lectchoor is to let you know where we are. We are in the deep cack. It couldn't be worse if it was raining arseholes. Any questions?"

"You can laugh! But people used to believe there were no such things as the Blibbering Humdinger or the Crumple-Horned Snorkack!"

"The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want for nothing. He makes me lie down in the green pastures. He greases up my head with oil. He gives me kung-fu in the face of my enemies. Amen"

"Excuse me, Captain. Are you two going to weep salty tears of admiration over a helmet all night, or do we have matters to discuss?"

"To summarize the summary of the summary: people are a problem."

"If you were me, then I'd be you, and if I were you, then I'd hide somewhere far away."

"A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?"

"Here's an easy way to figure out if you're in a cult: If you're wondering whether you're in a cult, the answer is yes."

"I'm just very amused by five-year-old humor."