humor

"We?"Simon looked at him in disbelief. "Are you ever going home?""What, bored with my company already?" "Let me ask you something,"Simon said. "Do you find me fascinating to be around?""What was that?"Jace said. "Sorry, I think I fell asleep for a moment. Do, continue with whatever mesmerizing thing you were saying."

"Usually my form of turning someone down was shoving a stake through his heart while smirking, Gotcha!"

"Anybody who has survived his childhood has enough information about life to last him the rest of his days."

"I like Thomas Jefferson, though he intimidated me. I thought he would have been very tough to be around. I don't know if he had such a sense of humor."

"No dumb bastard ever won a war by going out and dying for his country. He won it by making some other dumb bastard die for his country."

"Finger food, is that food you eat with your fingers, or is that where you eat your fingers? I’m starving, but I also want to play the piano, so I need to know."

"I want to spend less time talking about myself, and more time listening to what other people have to say about me."

"Hush Hattie!"I said, intoxicated with my success. "I don't want to go to my room. Everyone must know I shan't marry the prince."I ran to the door to our street, opened it, and called out into the night, "I shan't marry the prince."I turned back into the hall and ran to Char and threw my arms about his neck. "I shan't marry you."I kissed his cheek. He was safe from me."

"Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die."

"The most terrible fear that anybody should have is not war, is not a disease, not cancer or heart problems or food poisoning - it's a man or a woman without a sense of humor."

"I don't know how many sacred cows there are today. I think there's a little confusion between humor and gross passing for humor. That's kind of regrettable."

"Love burns. Whiskey burns. George Burns. What do all three have in common? They’re all dead to me."

"I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions."

"I need a Caution: Slippery When Wet sign, because I just spilled my ego all over the floor."

"If you can do a half-assed job of anything, you're a one-eyed man in a kingdom of the blind."

"Humor that is edgy is never squeaky clean."

"The lack of money is the root of all evil."

"Magnus, standing by the door, snapped his fingers impatiently. "Move it along, teenagers. The only person who gets to canoodle in my bedroom is my magnificent self.""Canoodle?"repeated Clary, never having heard the word before."Magnificent?"repeated Jace, who was just being nasty. Magnus growled. The growl sounded like "Get out."

"I find intelligence sexy. I find a sense of humor sexy. I find sensitivity sexy."

"I think trees should bloom earlier in the spring. They act like they are on a schedule. It’s not like they have anywhere to go."