humor

"I’d fight for your love like I’m Tyler Durden. I want you to hit on me as hard as you can."

"Death's got an Invisibility Cloak?"Harry interrupted again."So he can sneak up on people,"said Ron. "Sometimes he gets bored of running at them, flapping his arms and shrieking..."

"I mean, yeah, I'm sure that Python and the other things have paved the way for a greater understanding of the British sense of humor, but I don't think it's all that different than the American sense of humor."

"I never hated a man enough to give him his diamonds back."

"A lollygagger is a person choking on a lollipop. That works perfectly, because I sell Heimlich Maneuvers in a variety of flavors."

"Touch her, and I'll freeze your testicles off and put them in a jar. Understand?"

"Whether planned or not, humor takes our mind off of our troubles."

"You can't save everybody. In fact, there are days when I think you can't save anyone. Each person has to save himself first, then you can move in and help. I have found this philosophy does not work during a gun battle, or a knife fight either. Outside of that it works just fine."

"I find out a lot about myself by sleeping. Dreams, they are who I am when I’m too tired to be me."

"I’m on a government watch list. But I’m not interested, because government watches only work twenty minutes out of every hour."

"Disbelief in magic can force a poor soul into believing in government and business."

"The goodbad news is she only stole half. The badgood news is she stole half. And when it’s love that’s been stolen, a hole the size of half your heart feels like the whole thing has been taken."

"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read."

"I told her I'd wait forever for her, but that was before I found somebody else who'd give me a ride home."

"Have you ever noticed how ‘What the hell’ is always the right decision to make?"

"They say sarcasm is the lowest form of wit,"Valkyrie said. China glanced at her. "They've obviously never met me."

"They lie about marijuana. Tell you pot-smoking makes you unmotivated. Lie! When you're high, you can do everything you normally do just as well — you just realize that it's not worth the fucking effort. There is a difference."

"If you can't feel, why did you kiss me?"Patch traced a finger along my collarbone, then headed south stopping at my heart. I felt it pounding through my skin. "Because I feel it here, in my heart,"he said quietly."

"If you can understand the humor in the drawing part you'll probably get the humor in the audio part."

"That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you."