humor

"I don't know why people are afraid of lust. Then I can imagine that they are very afraid of me, for I have a great lust for everything. A lust for life, a lust for how the summer-heated street feels beneath my feet, a lust for the touch of another's skin on my skin...a lust for everything. I even lust after cake. Yes, I am very lusty and very scary."

"Nothing like a little judicious levity."

"I left a jar in the doorway to leave the door ajar, but love never walked in."

"Being entirely honest with oneself is a good exercise."

"I have noticed that the people who are late are often so much jollier than the people who have to wait for them."

"The word long is short, and so is the word short, but why is the word love as long as long? Shouldn’t it be longer?"

"Curran looked back at me. "Why is it you always attract creeps?""You tell me."Ha! Walked right into that one, yes, he did."

"I'll try anything once, twice if I like it, three times to make sure."

"I love people who make me laugh. I honestly think it's the thing I like most, to laugh. It cures a multitude of ills. It's probably the most important thing in a person."

"MS. THOMPSON, it said in heavy block letters, PLEASE KEEP YOUR FELINE OFF MY PROPERTY. IF I SEE IT AGAIN, I WILL EAT IT."

"It can hardly be a coincidence that no language on earth has ever produced the expression, 'As pretty as an airport."

"I make jokes because humor is the greatest healing factor that there is."

"Putting a little time aside for clean fun and good humor is very necessary to relieve the tensions of our time."

"If a dog doesn't put you first where are you both? In what relation? A dog needs God. It lives by your glances, your wishes. It even shares your humor. This happens about the fifth year. If it doesn't happen you are only keeping an animal."

"There are two ways to look at life. The first view is that nothing stays the same and that nothing is inherently connected, and that the only driving force in anyone's life is entropy. The second is that everything pretty much stays the same (more or less) and that everything is completely connected, even if we don't realize it."

"Are you sleepwalking?' A voice asked behind me. "I was testing dorm security,"I said. "It sucks."

"What ho!"I said."What ho!"said Motty."What ho! What ho!""What ho! What ho! What ho!"After that it seemed rather difficult to go on with the conversation."

"I realized women and humor were linked very closely."

"When you're the only sane person, you look like the only insane person."

"To me, nudity is a joke. I don't think nude people are very attractive at all. I like my women fully clothed. I like to imagine what might be under there. It might not be the standard thing. Imagine, stripping a woman down, and she has a body like a little submarine. With periscope, propellers, torpedoes. That would be the one for me. I'd marry her right off and be faithful to the end."