humor

"Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television."

"App idea: in real time track trends as swarms of keywords form, and use this data to invest in the next unicorn #startup.You'll be able to ride that #startup unicorn like you are Billy the Kid, as you watch your profits shoot up."

"When in danger or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout."

"I make furniture that can be used as weapons. The most dangerous piece of furniture is the Loveseat."

"Sites like Funny or Die and College Humor are great, but I'd say it's appealing to 80% men and 20% women."

"when you're not looking, somebody'll sneak up and write "Fuck you"right under your nose."

"I seem to have a one-track mind. When I was having babies, I did nothing else. When I do pictures, I go all out. I really think it is easier to manage my seven. You can't afford to humor each one of them. They have to learn to do things when they are told."

"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."

"They laugh at me because I'm different; I laugh at them because they're all the same."

"Half of seeming clever is keeping your mouth shut at the right times."

"I just got done digging a hole shaped like a human body. But I have no idea what to bury. I’ll probably hide all my love for you, like I would with any other treasure."

"I want to be taken seriously as the type of musician that plays stuff like an electric rake. I mean, how seriously do you take someone like Spike Jones? They take him pretty seriously - a really good musician who made a great contribution in terms of humor, which is part of what I try to do too."

"It's so hard to believe in anything anymore. I mean, it's like, religion, you really can't take it seriously, because it seems so mythological, it seems so arbitrary...but, on the other hand, science is just pure empiricism, and by virtue of its method, it excludes metaphysics. I guess I wouldn't believe in anything anymore if it weren't for my lucky astrology mood watch."

"Throughout history, great leaders have known the power of humor."

"He has such a patronizing tone and manner, and such a sarcastic sense of humor. I found him rather brutal, a kind of elegant brutality which appealed. No, I think he came pretty much off the page."

"Oh, look at that, he's heard of me. My fame grows."

"Let’s be romantic and dance in the rain. I’ll prove my feelings for you by bringing an umbrella, because I’m drowning in my love for you."

"Normal people can become very annoying if put in annoying situations."

"Now, Richard Pryor was unique. Many misunderstood his humor. He lit up the hallway, but they didn't understand his use of profanity. He didn't use it just to be using it; he used it in the context of his satire."

"Keep your sense of humor, my friend; if you don't have a sense of humor it just isn't funny anymore."