#clever

"One should never use exclamation points in writing. It is like laughing at your own joke."

"There was a time when skepticism was an act of rebellion. Since to a degree I both believe in evolution and have faith, I can only conclude that, as prophesied, to have faith will someday be an act of rebellion."

"When push comes to shove, I’m going to figure out that this door needs to be pulled to be opened."

"The last time somebody pointed out that cowboys ride horses, not tricycles, I shot him. Of course, I waited until another gunslinger gunned him down, but nevertheless, I still shot him."

"Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don't laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions."

"Be memorable. Say something unforgettable. Be silent."

"I had a dream about you. We were standing next to each other, and a stranger asked for the time. My watch said 3:32, and yours said 3:33. I got concerned because somewhere I’d lost a minute, so you and I spent two minutes looking for it."

"Tweeting is talking into the abyss, filling a void in your life by avoiding real human contact."

"Take some cues from some Q’s. Quality and quantity lead to queues."

"You gotta run more than your mouth to escape the treadmill of mediocrity. A true hustler jogs during the day, and sleepwalks at night."

"This year I vow to learn how to garden. I will be the Farmer of Love and grow in understanding and forgiveness."

"An open Facebook page is simply a psychiatric dry erase board that screams, “Look at me. I am insecure. I need your reaction to what I am doing, but you’re not cool enough to be my friend. Therefore, I will just pray you see this because the approval of God is not all I need."

"I hate when I'm at the grocery store and the person checking me out asks, "Paper or plastic?"It's offensive. As if I'm going to sleep with her just because she has a clever pick up line."

"What I stand for is what I stand on."

"I dance so fluid you’d think I’m a fish. I don’t need to drink to be able to dance—I am the drink. Have a sip and find out for yourself."

"People tell me I look like my father. I've never seen my dad, so does that mean I look invisible?"

"To be heroic is to be courageous enough to die for something; to be inspirational is to be crazy enough to live a little."

"He rose like heroes, and I rose like rows of red roses. Love grows wherever you plant it, so I try to farm it wherever I go."

"I just bought a bag of potato chips. It was a smart buy, because when this world runs out of clean air, I’ll have plenty in that one little purchase."

"I gave her a broken watch, to symbolize that my love for her is forever and timeless. And as an excuse to why I’m always late."