#Funny

"Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy."

"Daemon!"Dee called from the kitchen. "I need your help!""We should go see what she's doing before she destroys your kitchen."He rubbed his hands down his face. "It's possible."

"The human body is the best work of art."

"I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days."

"If you're ever feeling a lack of middle-aged white men, just pop into the Capitol. Not so much the House of Representatives, which has a bit more color and texture, but the Senate -- jeez. Yes, let's have more testosterone running the country.Maximum Ride, School's Out--Forever"

"I don't suppose you would consider peaceful surrender?"

"I had a dream about you last night. We went to the store cupboard to make out, but we ended up sharing our pain and then crying together. We wasn't prepared for this level of intimacy."

"She moved like water, graceful and soft and lovely. Every part of me wanted to stick out my foot and trip her, just to see her stumble."

"Telling an introvert to go to a party is like telling a saint to go to Hell."

"I want to keep a human mouth on my coffee table. It’ll be a great conversation starter."

"Be careful, though.""Aren't I always?""No, I think the word for how you usually are is 'reckless."

"To be the best, you have to be willing to do what nobody does. And today, if nobody reads and nobody works hard, then you also have to give up reading and become lethargic to be successful."

"Just to show my dad that I think he's number one, I bought him a urinal cake for his birthday."

"She can go with us to the lab and keep Myrnin pinned down while we pull the plug, if he's not... you know, better.""Define BETTER with that guy.""Not all fangs and raaaaar."

"I got my sense of humor from my grandmother. You know, my grandmother was very funny."

"It’s not uncommon for me to be early to meetings by as much as a half a gallon. I guess the reason I am so punctual is because I have a very fluid concept of time."

"I make art for one person and one person only. And as soon as I find that one person, I sure hope he has a lot of wall space, because he’ll be getting a lot of art from me."

"I'm healthy as an ox. And you?""To compare myself with a bovine would be both ridiculous and insulting, but I'm fit as ever, if that is what you are asking."

"It's a funny old world."

"A string of burglaries is a crime necklace. Everything I have can be stolen except love, because I give it all away."