#Funny

"What do you think Dimitri? Is this a good idea, Dimitri? Please give us your blessing so that we can fall down and worship you, Dimitri."

"He had a new girl, and I told him she looked like Marilyn Monroe. He smiled because he thought I meant she was beautiful, and I smiled because I meant she looked like a corpse."

"Love is like learning to ride a midget, which I’ve never done because I’m afraid of heights."

"I haven’t spent my time trying to duplicate my success. But only because I haven’t had any yet."

"He flipped himself onto his side and kissed me. "You're so hot,"I said, my hand still on his leg. "I'm starting to think you have an amputee fetish,"he answered, still kissing me. I laughed."I have an Augustus Waters fetish,"I explained."

"If you're ever feeling a lack of middle-aged white men, just pop into the Capitol. Not so much the House of Representatives, which has a bit more color and texture, but the Senate -- jeez. Yes, let's have more testosterone running the country.Maximum Ride, School's Out--Forever"

"Plus, in one of his e-mails, the guy said he didn't like pancakes. What kind of asshole doesn't like pancakes?"

"How is it possible to have a civil war?"

"I love you. I hate you. I like you. I hate you. I love you. I think you’re stupid. I think you’re a loser. I think you’re wonderful. I want to be with you. I don’t want to be with you. I would never date you. I hate you. I love you…..I think the madness started the moment we met and you shook my hand. Did you have a disease or something?"

"I guess we're oil and water. (Phoebe)I'd say we're more like gasoline and a blowtorch. (Dan)"

"Promise me, Amelie, that you’ll crucify me with silver before you allow me to fall in love.”“I hardly think there’s any chance of that,” Amelie said. "I doubt you have the capacity."

"Love means never having to say you’re sorry for a minor stab wound."

"I want to mail my mailman something. He always brings me mail, yet I never give him any mail. Maybe he will appreciate the thought, or maybe he will feel I am making more work for him."

"Sane is boring."

"We rode the merry-go-round like a couple of lovers. We weren’t though; we were just two horse enthusiasts from two different worlds (I think she was from Mars)."

"Vampires. They wrote the book on possessive."

"I make art for one person and one person only. And as soon as I find that one person, I sure hope he has a lot of wall space, because he’ll be getting a lot of art from me."

"*Appendix usually means "small outgrowth from large intestine,"but in this case it means "additional information accompanying main text."Or are those really the same things? Think carefully before you insult this book."

"I’m not a very good sleeper. But you know what? I’m willing to put in a few extra hours every day to get better. That’s just the kind of hard worker I am."

"His name is Randy Randy. Or maybe it’s Randy Randy. I always get his first and last names mixed up."