#Funny

"I want to write a book called, "Bonfires and Bras,"which follows around a young, braless feminist who struggles to adopt in air conditioned rooms, as her hardened nipples cause her excess embarrassment."

"I'm not the smartest fellow in the world, but I can sure pick smart colleagues."

"When I saw you, I saw love. When I saw you naked, I saw lust. When I saw you with my clone in a dream, I saw the future."

"Ren took off his jacket, which slicited a squeak from Jennifer who was now totally focused on Ren's golden-bronze biceps. His perfectly fitted muscle shirt showed off his extremely well-developed arms and chest. I hissed at him quietly, "For heaven's sake, Ren! You're going to give the women heart palpitations!"

"The only reason my wife agreed to marry me is because Christian Bale wasn’t around to propose to her."

"What? Quinn's one of them? I just thought he was an a*shole!"

"I want to write a book about shoes that’s full of footnotes."

"I have a 12:34 representational time dance. I do it at 3:33 every other Tuesday (twice a day). If you’d like to participate in my choreographed dance routine, bring a football helmet and a half empty can of tuna (keeps the stray cats away, because I perform in a gritty, grimy downtown alley)."

"My grandmother is a little Cuban woman who cooks all day and speaks Spanish. Your grandmother watches pay-per-view porn.""She used to watch the Weather Channel, but she said there wasn't enough action."-Ranger and Stephanie"

"In the land of Gibberish, the man who makes sense, the man who speaks clearly, clearly speaks nonsense."

"Night clubs are where Americans learn the laws of motion."

"For your birthday I got you some batteries. They’re dead, just like you’ll soon be."

"Juan gave Bones the most admiring look he’d bestowed on him yet. “You talked her into going without panties all these years? Madre de Dios, now that’s impressive. I could learn a great deal from you, amigo."

"The only thing I could love more than you is two of you. And I suppose three."

"Hooray! Hooray! The end of the world has been postponed!"

"The last time somebody pointed out that cowboys ride horses, not tricycles, I shot him. Of course, I waited until another gunslinger gunned him down, but nevertheless, I still shot him."

"Is there anything more pathetic than a flower that doesn’t get enough sunlight and dies, because it couldn’t get out of bed until four in the afternoon?"

"Ow, Todd? Ow?"

"Love is a green sky on a blue pasture, and I am the flying cow eating it all up."

"How dare you open a spaceman's helmet on an uncharted planet? My eyeballs could've been sucked from their sockets!"