#Funny

"Love is the most amazing feeling in the world. Let me double check. Yep, love is a feeling."

"I hope people of the future will remember my books for being burned, and I challenge an elite few to imagine the embers of the last copy."

"I have a really dry sense of humor. I don't think it's funny when people wink at the camera. That's more of an actor thing, just committing to whatever the thing is."

"Insider trading is a serious crime. Do you know what the penalty for doing it is? Nothing, if you’re a member of Congress."

"I had a dream about you last night... You tried to propose with a digital ceramic heater."

"You can't do anything to be funny. That's cringeworthy. If your humor comes out of a place of love every time, you don't make the joke bigger than you. The funniest comedians are in touch with their emotional level."

"You know, sometimes kids get bad grades in school because the class moves too slow for them. Einstein got D's in school. Well guess what, I get F's!!!"

"I had a dream about you last night... Unfortunately, it wasn't a dream."

"Suspicion,"he said. "Directed by Alfred Hitchcock. He's a genius.""Starring Cary Grant."When Lucas gave me a look, I added, "You have your priorities, I have mine."

"Nobody peels a banana before stabbing themselves with it. But that’s exactly how I love—dangerously."

"Things can be funny only when we are in fun. When we're 'dead earnest,' humor is the only thing that is dead."

"I sneaked out to his house a couple times in the middle of the night to watch over him while he slept, just in case, I dont know, his comic book collection decided to spontaneously combust. This was dumb and admittedly creepy in an Edward Cullen kind of way"

"The small amount of foolery wise men have makes a great show."

"Ten Things You Shouldn't Say on a Date.1. You're wearing that?2. Something smells funny.3. Where's the Tylenol?4. And to think, I first wanted to date your brother.5. I have a confession to make…6. My dad has a suit just like that.7. That man is hot. Look at him.8. My ex, may he rot in hell forever…9. You're going to order that? Seriously?10. You're how old?"

"He’s always asking: ‘Is that new? I haven’t seen that before.’ It’s like, Why don’t you mind your own business? Solve world hunger. Get out of my closet."

"You are going to love the sports here. Snow skiing and water-skiing and rock climbing and all kinds of extreme sports. I give you full permission to hurl yourself off stuff."

"To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone."

"If love had feathers and tasted like dog food, then I suggest you wear shoes with your banana pudding. (This statement also defines my political beliefs)."

"I know a woman loves me when she leaves me leftovers in the fridge from the date she went on the night before."

"I have to return some videotapes"