#Funny

"I think that it's hard for vain people to be funny. I think you can look any way you want as long as you have a good sense of humor about yourself. People who are concerned with their looks and what they're wearing and how they present themselves tend to have less of a sense of humor about themselves."

"Women's humor seems to be a little more supportive. It's just kind of trying to make the other one laugh through funny voices and kind of talking about other people. I respond to that. I feel less like I'm going to get beat up in a room full of women than I do in a room full of guys."

"Bite me, Goth princess,” Shane called from the back. “Not literally or anything.”“Maybe you should say that to Michael.”“Not funny, Eve,” Michael said.Eve raised her eyebrows and held her fingers up, measuring off about an inch. “Little bit,” she said."

"I’m such an alcoholic that I go to church just for communion."

"I want to spend less time talking about myself, and more time listening to what other people have to say about me."

"sometimes when everything seems atits worstwhen all conspiresand gnawsand the hours, days, weeksyearsseem wasted – stretched there upon my bedin the darklooking upward at the ceilingi get what many will consider anobnoxious thought:it’s still nice to beBukowski."

"There are pockets of wealth in this country. Mostly those pockets are in the politicians’ pants."

"Sometimes I sit for hours just thinking, wondering what the man upstairs is trying to tell me. Yesterday I reached the conclusion that he was saying, “Get me a slinky."

"I’ve got a way with love. Away with love."

"You won't even take your bow? Are you planning to throttle a moose with your bare hands, then?""I've a knife in my boot,"she said, and then wondered, for a moment, if she could throttle a moose with her bare hands."

"Take off your shirt."Jace raised his eyebrows. "I'm not going to attack you,"she said impatiently. "I can take the sight of your naked chest without swooning.""Are you sure?"he asked, obediently sliding the shirt off his shoulders. "Because viewing my naked chest has caused many women to seriously injure themselves stampeding to get to me."

"I need a Caution: Slippery When Wet sign, because I just spilled my ego all over the floor."

"What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife."

"The humble Cumulus humilis - never hurt a soul."

"Some people try to change the world one life at a time. Others try to change the world one death at a time. And I try to change the world one bucket full of dirt at a time."

"In the war room, love? What if someone comes in?”I stood and removed his shirt. “Then they’ll have a good story to tell.”“Good?” He adopted the pretense of being offended.“Prove me wrong."

"I apologized to her once for spending less time with her, but she blew it off. "You're in love. That makes you actually kind of boring to people who aren't in love. You know, the sane ones."

"My couch is coffee-colored. I can thank Starbucks and clumsiness for that."

"I had a dream about you last night. We were plug sockets in the bedroom. We saw only a short part of their day, but we knew everything of it."

"The planet is fine. The people are fucked."