#Funny

"I just started working the graveyard shift at the cemetery. Come to think of it, every shift at the cemetery is the graveyard shift."

"What the hell is that?"I laughed."It's my fox hat.""Your fox hat?""Yeah, Pudge. My fox hat.""Why are you wearing your fox hat?"I asked."Because no one can catch the motherfucking fox."

"If you were to ask me the best time of day to fall in love, I'd say, "Now."But you'd also have to remember to factor in the fact that my watch is eleven minutes fast."

"In the office, Michael sat behind our father’s desk, clicking away at the computer with his right hand, and making notes with his left. Ambidextrous freak."

"The problem with having evil minions is that minions are stupid."

"I like to think my sense of humor is sort of smart and dumb at the same time. I like to work on multiple levels - smart and dumb, funny and sad, profound and mundane, cynical and hopeful."

"Caroline, do you value your neck?""Yes, I'm rather fond of it. Why?""Because if you don't shut up, I'm going to wring it."

"Twitter is the place where I try to be more funny. And then I use Instagram just as my diary. I pull some jokes on there, but I think people have a better sense of humor on Twitter."

"I’m busy, you’re busy, everybody’s busy. I’ve got a lot I want to say to you, though.” “All right,” Pia told her. “Hit me with it.” “First, I’m so sorry about what my uncle Urien did to you guys. I hate him, he killed my family, and we’re going to cut off his head, and then I have to be Queen, but before that happens let’s do lunch, okay?"

"I had a dream about you. We were standing next to each other, and a stranger asked for the time. My watch said 3:32, and yours said 3:33. I got concerned because somewhere I’d lost a minute, so you and I spent two minutes looking for it."

"Did you know it takes more muscles to frown than it does to smile? I know, because yesterday was in a bad mood, and I guess I must have frowned too much because this morning I woke up with a torn groin muscle."

"Love is a circular emotion that surrounds you, like a hug. Or a noose."

"What? Quinn's one of them? I just thought he was an a*shole!"

"If I can't see the humor in it, how am I going to be funny?"

"Adrian, I'm on a date. Why are you here? On my car?"

"Things can be funny only when we are in fun. When we're 'dead earnest,' humor is the only thing that is dead."

"Education: learning to find your purpose. Upon finding your purpose: what did I learn?"

"The human body is the best work of art."

"Look at him,” she said, shaking her head. “Travis Maddox: Mr. Mom."

"She was washing all the dishes by hand, so I bought her a machine. I bought her a lawnmower. That’s what you do when you’re in love."