#humor

"All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed."

"I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass."

"Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them. There's many a best-seller that could have been prevented by a good teacher."

"Riley : "Do you want to claw at me, kitty-cat? Come on."Mercy: "Sorry, I don't beat defenseless puppies."

"My dearest girl,' said the vampire finally, examining Lord Maccon with an exhausted but appreciative eye, 'such a banquet. Never been one to favor werewolves myself, but he is very well equipped, now, is he not?'Miss Tarabotti gave him an arch look. 'My goodies,' she warned.Humans,' chuckled the vampire, 'so possessive."

"I don't think you should be an Auror, Harry,"said Luna unexpectedly. Everybody looked at her. "The Aurors are part of the Rotfang Conspiracy, I thought everyone knew that. They're working to bring down the Ministry of Magic from within using a mixture of dark magic and gum disease."

"You're going to burn in a very special level of hell. A level they reserve for child molesters and people who talk at the theater."

"I went to a potluck. I brought my own pot—and luck. The pot was empty, just like my promise to bring food the next time."

"Posthumous {Couplet} The anonymous may claim their fame posthumous;But let my words be my stake, while I'm still awake."

"I pet horses and ride cats, because I’m a cowman. I’m too mature to be a cowboy."

"I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it."

"Humor has bailed me out of more tight situations than I can think of. If you go with your instincts and keep your humor, creativity follows. With luck, success comes, too."

"Because there's no way on earth she's going to make it through college unless she grows some serious ovaries and turns this train wreck around"

"Being a detective isn't all about torture and murder and monsters. Sometimes it gets truly unpleasant...The fate of the world may depend on whether or not you can bring yourself to visit your relatives."

"Of course, everyone's parents are embarrassing. It goes with the territory. The nature of parents is to embarrass merely by existing, just as it is the nature of children of a certain age to cringe with embarrassment, shame, and mortification should their parents so much as speak to them on the street."

"Publisher's Persuasion "You're much too good a writer to want a six figure advance. You don't want your readers to think you're only writing for money ~ do you?"

"Iran [10w] In Teheran daylight dawnswith minarets against skies of bronze."

"Poetry Calling [10w] Poetry's not a calling.It's a whispering in your ear."

"Politically, Republicans and Democrats are at opposite ends. One’s a burp and the other’s a fart."

"Freddie experienced the sort of abysmal soul-sadness which afflicts one of Tolstoy's Russian peasants when, after putting in a heavy day's work strangling his father, beating his wife, and dropping the baby into the city's reservoir, he turns to the cupboards, only to find the vodka bottle empty."