#humor

"Life is half delicious yogurt, half crap, and your job is to keep the plastic spoon in the yogurt."

"Owlish [10w] If owls are wise,why are they flat faced fucks?"

"Hidden [10w] A woman is an iceberg;we see less than 10%."

"Reality depresses me. I need to find fantasy worlds and escape in them."

"Rohan, one of us is an unmarried man with superior mathematical abilities and no prospects for the evening. The other is a confirmed lecher in an amorous mood, with a willing and nubile young wife waiting at home. Who do you think should do the damned account books?"And, with a nonchalant wave, St. Vincent had left the office."

"How ghastly for her, people actually thinking, with their brains, and right next door. Oh, the travesty of it all."

"I match my pajamas to my comforter so I can disappear into sleep. I’m camouflaged into noonexistence, where I don’t wake up until 12:00 PM."

"No, I really did. I walked into that room and saw the hottest, sexiest guy I've ever seen - wet and half naked. And I said, "Ewww."I know. How am I still single, right?"

"Puns are the highest form of literature."

"If you're going to make a science fiction movie, then have a hover craft chase, for God's sake."

"Cheeky Poets [10w] Remember 'poetry' lies between 'pitiful' and 'poop' in the dictionary."

"The ‘New House, New Luck’ Fallacy [10w] Switching external environment doesn't cure depression;change must occur internally."

"Katsa and Po were trying to drown each other and, judging from their hoots of laughter, enjoying it immensely."

"We made love like two coiled up fire hoses. When there’s no fire in the romance, why not act like a couple of sleeping snakes?"

"Sometimes, I feel discriminated against, but it does not make me angry. It merely astonishes me. How can any deny themselves the pleasure of my company? It’s beyond me."

"You see? I know where every single book used to be in the library.' She pointed to the shelf opposite. 'Over there was Catch-22, which was a hugely popular fishing book and one of a series, I believe."

"Don’t Let the Dead Fish Fool You [10w] Even the eyes of a dead fish can reflect light."

"I was talking aloud to myself. A habit of the old: they choose the wisest person present to speak to"

"Prevailing Wins [10w] Truth prevails in private, bullshit in public, integrity in spirit."

"Laughter and The Chosen [10w] Making people laugh is God's gift to the Chosen People."