#humor

"But Grover’s voice was already growing fainter. ‘Sweet dreams. Don’t let me die!"

"Sometimes, there is no harm in putting off a piece of work until another day."

"The 'Ugly' Poet [10w] Poets develop cleverness with wordsto compensate for their unattractiveness."

"You're thinking I'm one of those wise-ass California vegetarians who is going to tell you that eating a few strips of bacon is bad for your health. I'm not. I say its a free country and you should be able to kill yourself at any rate you choose, as long as your cold dead body is not blocking my driveway."

"It can hardly be a coincidence that no language on earth has ever produced the expression, 'As pretty as an airport."

"[Ranger] "How's your mental health?"he asked. "I heard about Soder."[Stephanie] "I'm rattled.""I have a cure."Oh, boy.He put the truck in gear and headed for the exit. "I know what you're thinking,"he said. "And that wasn't where I was going. I was going to suggest work.""I knew that."He looked over at me and grinned. "You want me bad."I did. God help me."

"I hate when people say 'I see'. It doesn't mean anything and I think it's hostile. Whenever anyone tells me 'I see' I think they're really saying 'Fuck you'."

"Aside from velcro, time is the most mysterious substance in the universe. You can't see it or touch it, yet a plumber can charge you upwards of seventy-five dollars per hour for it, without necessarily fixing anything."

"I can chase you, and I can catch you,but there is nothing I can do to make you mine."

"Frank stared at him. "Unfair? You can breathe underwater and blow up glaciers and summon freaking hurricanes-and it's unfair that I can be an elephant?"Percy considered. "Okay. I guess you got a point. But the next time I say you're totally beast-""Just shut up,"Frank said. "Please."Percy cracked a smile."

"Masochist [10w] A masochist goes to massage parlor seeking a tragic ending."

"Out-of-the-Box [10w] I march to my own drummerin a drum circle."

"I had a dream about you last night.. you were holding a pine cone and introducing him as Gerald."

"Casualties of War The casualties of war are far, far morethan those lying dead on the battlefield floor."

"I had a dream about you last night.. You kept screaming at Ted Danson to pour you a drink."

"Sometimes, just saying that you hate something, and having someone agree with you, can make you feel better about a terrible situation."

"You look like the vamp who bled the cat."

"Here’s what I’d love to see: A vending machine that dispenses cats for petting on your lunch break. Instead of money, the machine accepts hugs."

"Vote for the man who promises least; he'll be the least disappointing."

"Fabulous Creatures and Trust Issues [10w] Never trust a sheep in wolf’s clothing despite the unicorn."