#humor

"Evil Thoughts [10w] Believing 'You're either with us or against us' is evil."

"Well, what I don't understand is why people get all dressed up and drive to church so they can sit there and get scolded. Seems to me it'd be a whole lot easier for the to just stay home in their pj's, eat pancakes, and get yelled at over the radion."

"We're not retreating, we're advancing in reverse.' --Skulduggery Pleasant"

"rolf! what? are you really rolling on the floor laughing? well, please stay down there for a sec while I KICK YOUR ASS."

"I wear a ten-gallon cowboy hat. That’s where I keep my fish tank. When you’re a farmer of love, you’ve always got pink kissers on your mind."

"Tortuguer Costa Rica Haiku Lora Sea TurtlesInvade to beach to lay eggs.Locals invade the eggs."

"Laughter and The Chosen [10w] Making people laugh is God's gift to the Chosen People."

"Goose Neck [10w] Whenever a goose has a car accident, the traffic sucks."

"Love is the most amazing feeling in the world. Let me double check. Yep, love is a feeling."

"I suppose I'll have to add the force of gravity to my list of enemies."

"The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat."

"Hmm…now that I think about it, housecats are often coddled and petted. You don’t pet me nearly enough. You must be a lax owner. How selfish of you to deprive your cat of attention."

"I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done."

"It’s 4:00 in the afternoon and I’m just now putting on clothes. The life of a writer is as free as the pizza I just had delivered is not."

"WATNEY: Look! A pair of boobs! -> (.Y.)."

"I match my pajamas to my comforter so I can disappear into sleep. I’m camouflaged into noonexistence, where I don’t wake up until 12:00 PM."

"It's so hard to believe in anything anymore. I mean, it's like, religion, you really can't take it seriously, because it seems so mythological, it seems so arbitrary...but, on the other hand, science is just pure empiricism, and by virtue of its method, it excludes metaphysics. I guess I wouldn't believe in anything anymore if it weren't for my lucky astrology mood watch."

"Finding Fault [10w] + {Couplet} We find in others faultWhenever our wounds perceives salt."

"Four flips the gun in this hand, presses the barrel to Peter's forehead, and clicks a bullet into place. Peter freezes with his lips parted, the yawn dead in his mouth. "Wake. Up,"Four snaps. "You are holding a loaded gun, you idiot. Act like it."

"Any idiot can put up a website."