#humor

"Webster’s—the original high definition entertainment."

"Spontaneous Gift Giving [10w] Learn to give gifts spontaneously accompanied by a love note."

"What Women Think Women don't care if you got a six pack if you slurp you soup."

"I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it."

"EVERYTHING NOT FORBIDDEN IS COMPULSORY"

"I make love like I make coffins—with my bare hands, alone in my garage. On sale through Thursday—Buy One Funeral, Get A Second One Free!"

"Oppressor vs. Oppressed [10w] Love somtimes disintegrates into becoming the oppressor or the oppressed."

"I don’t know what I’ll do until I know what you’ll do. I’m proactive with my preemptive reactive strategy."

"Money isn't everything...but it ranks right up there with oxygen."

"I'm not the smartest fellow in the world, but I can sure pick smart colleagues."

"As soon as you cross the county line into where all the wealthier people live, the weather is suddenly sunnier and warmer. Even at night."

"We could visit him,"suggests Will. "But what would we say? 'I didn't know you that well, but I'm sorry you got stabbed in the eye'?"

"Harry and Hermione are very platonic friends. But I won't answer for anyone else, nudge-nudge wink-wink!"

"How did you become blind, uh, Jeff is it?"Yeah, Jeff. Well, I looked directly at the sun, you know, the way they always tell you not to. If only I had listened."

"Tessa: I won't know if I like it until I try it, will I?"Will: "I've never swum naked in the Thames, but I know I wouldn't like it.""But think how entertaining for sightseers,"said Tessa, and she saw Jem duck his head to hide the quick flash of his grin."

"Imaginary Friends When my childhood imaginary friend got mad at mehe insulted me by calling me 'real'."

"I had a dream about you. You suggested to split the profits, so I did. I threw one half in the furnace to power the steam engine, and the other half in the air to distract our pursuers."

"It is happy for you that you possess the talent of flattering with delicacy. May I ask whether these pleasing attentions proceed from the impulse of the moment, or are they the result of previous study?"

"We lay there and looked up at the night sky and she told me about stars called blue squares and red swirls and I told her I'd never heard of them. Of course not, she said, the really important stuff they never tell you. You have to imagine it on your own."

"I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions."