#humor

"Wit seduces by signaling intelligence without nerdiness."

"I could see that, if not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled."

"Great, tell me when you've defeated Voldemort for me, will you?"

"David Dukes How come everytime I put on the T.V.to watch some Dick Wolf crime show,all the judges are blackand all the criminals are white!I just sayin there must be some kindaJew conspiracy at work here!"

"You gotta run more than your mouth to escape the treadmill of mediocrity. A true hustler jogs during the day, and sleepwalks at night."

"Any game plan? Xypher asked Sin.Don't die.I like it. Simple, bold. Impossible. Works for me.Kat scoffed at his sarcasm. What are you bitching about, Xypher? You're already dead.He laughed. You know, for once, it's good to be me."

"I've always thought people would find a lot more pleasure in their routines if they burst into song at significant moments."

"I have detected disturbances in the wash.''The wash?''The space-time wash.''Are we talking about some sort of Vogon laundromat, or what are we talking about?''Eddies in the space-time continuum.''Ah...is he. Is he.''What?''Er, who is Eddy, then, exactly?"

"Some piously record 'In the beginning God', but I say 'In the beginning hydrogen'."

"Wheels of Change Discontentment is the wheels of change.You can either add some grease to bring about change faster,or run in front of them in protest,and be crushed by them."

"Hey, yummy leather guy? Can you hear me? (Amanda)"

"Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family."

"My dearest girl,' said the vampire finally, examining Lord Maccon with an exhausted but appreciative eye, 'such a banquet. Never been one to favor werewolves myself, but he is very well equipped, now, is he not?'Miss Tarabotti gave him an arch look. 'My goodies,' she warned.Humans,' chuckled the vampire, 'so possessive."

"I keep my motivational book collection in the fridge. Hey, Who Moved My Cheese?! Did somebody let grandpa out of his cage again?"

"The trouble was that he was talking in philosophy but they were listening in gibberish."

"Is there a word halfway between hello and goodbye? Because that’s the word my soul is trying to say."

"What is Love? [10w] Love is the stubborn desire to find permanencein impermanence."

"She said she loved me, and I didn’t believe it for a minute. Maybe 59 seconds, but not a whole minute. I may be gullible, but I’m not without an accurate way to measure time."

"Hidden [10w] A woman is an iceberg;we see less than 10%."

"Be careful about reading health books. Some fine day you'll die of a misprint."