#humor

"What is God? [17] [10w] God has a fondness for cosmology and carbon-based life forms."

"We played for about half an hour before I realized we were actually playing two different games. What I’d thought of as ludo was actually a game called gin rummy, and what Warren was playing seemed to be a mixture of craps and table tennis. Once we started playing by one consistent set of rules, though, the fun was really over."

"Jesus [10w] "Sorry to keep you hanging,but it's just our nature."

"Publisher's Persuasion "You're much too good a writer to want a six figure advance. You don't want your readers to think you're only writing for money ~ do you?"

"The only way a woman can ever reform a man is by boring him so completely that he loses all possible interest in life."

"Where the Fuck is Waldo Even whens I finds Waldothat crackhead nigga won't cough up the five dollars he owes me."

"It would seem that you have no useful skill or talent whatsoever,"he said. "Have you thought of going into teaching?"

"On your birthday you should throw me a party. This is my advice for everybody, especially my clones."

"I had a dream about you last night. I could fly. I was going to use this power to impress you, but you were too heavy to carry, so I won you over with my personality instead"

"I’m hungry for success. And lasagna."

"I was in love one time, I said as I held up my pinky. I would have held up my index finger, but I wasn't in love that long."

"I would actually write books totally full of nothing BUT kissing scenes, but apparently people like books to have, like, "plots"or whatever."

"Mind's Eye What vain man is not a hero in his mind's eye;What egoist not the protagonist upon which the world revolves?"

"Plant vs. Harvest [10w] Any fool can harvest but it takes true skill to plant."

"Happiness is a warm puppy."

"If loving someone is putting them in a straitjacket and kicking them down a flight of stairs, then yes, I have loved a few people."

"Pond(er) This [10w] Nobody wants to be:'Big fish in a little pond."

"They say there are twelve steps to quitting something. But what if that something is playing with a slinky? Seems like you should be able to quit playing with a slinky using no steps."

"I had a dream about you last night... you were a giant slinky and I watched you fall down the stairs."

"See? This is why I'm not religious. I couldn't possibly keep my mouth shut long enough to get along with everyone else."