#humor

"I don’t want to develop—I want to evelop, because it’s more positive. Similarly, would you rather your love evolve or devolve? That’s why if you need me, I’ll be on the sofa trying to evelop myself as a person."

"It turned out I was pretty good in science. But again, because of the small budget, in science class we couldn't afford to do experiments in order to prove theories. We just believed everything. Actually, I think that class was called Religion. Religion class was always an easy class. All you had to do was suspend the logic and reasoning you were being taught in all the other classes."

"I sold ten bags of hellos for five bags of goodbyes. I’d say that’s a good profit. Or it was, before I blew all my goodbyes on ex lovers."

"Bravo,"said Grimalkin, peering down from Cold Tom's chest. "The Winter prince and Oberon's jester agreeing on something. The world must be ending."

"My teacher asked my favorite color. ... I said ‘Rainbow’.... and I was punished to stand out of my class."

"Gypsy When one gypsy spits on you, its disgusting;when two do, it's suspicious;when three do, you're late to a gypsy wedding."

"Emotional states are fairly quick bursts of neuronal gossip. Traits, on the other hand, are more like the neuronal equivalent of committed relationships."

"Who knew hitting my head and passing out would be so much fun?"

"In truth, Freud sees nothing and understands nothing."

"Hello, Minister!"bellowed Percy, sending a neat jinx straight at Thicknesse, who dropped his wand and clawed at the front of his robes, apparently in awful discomfort. "Did I mention I'm resigning?"

"There is nothing particularly wrong with salmon, of course, but like caramel candy, strawberry yogurt, or liquid carpet cleaner, if you eat too much of it you are not going to enjoy your meal."

"Bite me, Goth princess,” Shane called from the back. “Not literally or anything.”“Maybe you should say that to Michael.”“Not funny, Eve,” Michael said.Eve raised her eyebrows and held her fingers up, measuring off about an inch. “Little bit,” she said."

"The easiest way to get from point A to point B is with a vehicle that runs on alphabet soup."

"Embalming [10w] Injecting baking soda whitens, freshens, and softens the dearly departed."

"I had a dream about you. You were being hung. I had a sword in one hand and a stool in the other. I couldn’t decide which one to use, so I stood on the stool and threw myself on the sword. It was the least I could do to protest capital punishment."

"New York Haiku "My monthly rent checkis more than you will make inyour fucking lifetime."

"Hook 'em I know how to leave them satisfied and hungry for more ~with a carefully administered shot of insulin."

"I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by."

"What's with what you're wearing?"Griggs asks while we stand outside waiting for the others."It's pretty hideous, isn't it?"I say."Don't force me to look at it,"he says. "It's see-through."That kills conversation for a couple of seconds."

"I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it."