#humor

"You humans, always eating. I'll make you soup. You can eat it while you keep working."Myrnin set aside his book and walked into the back of the lab."Don't use the same beaker you used for poisons!"Claire yelled after him. He waved a pale hand. "I mean it!"

"Personal branding is crucial in today's society. Just remember to wait until the metal is red hot before pressing it into your flesh."

"I don’t remember my birth. I guess I got dementia at a young age."

"If at first you don't succeed, remove all evidence you ever tried."

"The Colonel led all the cheers.Cornbread!"he screamed.CHICKEN!"the crowd responded.Rice!"PEAS!"And then, all together: "WE GOT HIGHER SATs."Hip Hip Hip Hooray!"the Colonel cried.YOU'LL BE WORKIN' FOR US SOMEDAY!"

"Children Learn to Love and Hate A child understands love by three months and hate by three years.How the child processes that understandingwill shape his character for the next seventy."

"Reading makes you ready for the world. A man who doesn’t read is a man who is easily deceived. You must find that man and make him sign a contract, and you must do it before Satan does. Trust me, the profits are HUGE!"

"Insanity does NOT run in my family. It strolls through, takes its time, and gets to know everyone personally. —T-SHIRT"

"Herpes [10w] Only greatness and genital herpes are conspicuous by their absence."

"You saw my leg?""How can a man help what he sees?"he said. "And, if I could add, you possess a very fine leg."

"You and I have a love so secret that not even you know about it. But first, let me introduce myself."

"Life's greatest tragedy is not that it will someday end, but that most only live to follow directions and sometimes we end up totally lost."

"So many FREAKS and not enough CIRCUSES!"

"Now Darkstripe,' Graypaw hissed to Firepaw under his breath, 'is neither young, nor pretty."

"The world is a stage and the play is badly cast."

"but,=""soft!=""what=""light=""through=""yonder=""window=""breaks?"=""[10w]="""Shut the fuck up! I think we got a burglar."

"You know you’re in love when you reach out to hold your woman’s hand, without remembering that her hands are full because you insisted she carry all the groceries out to the car."

"Tomorrow is promised to no man, though I’m under the impression I have an earthly meeting with God on the day after tomorrow. So that’s nice."

"Eddie Money and Johnny Cash should have collaborated. I’d have paid good last name to see them in concert."

"I cannot speak well enough to be unintelligible."