#humor

"Still Hangin' in the Child Hood [20w] You can spend an entire lifetime trying to be a child again,or never lose your childhood to begin with."

"You're not a woman,"he said finally. "You're the Grim Reaper with red hair!"

"If you don't get everything you want, think of the things you don't get that you don't want."

"I really should come with a warning label."

"At the potluck, I brought two dishes: knowledge and mashed potatoes and gravy. Guess which one got cleaned out and which one hardly got touched."

"A philosopher is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat that isn't there. A theologian is the man who finds it."

"When I win, it’s because I’m skilled. When I lose, it’s because my opponent is lucky. But when I fall in love, it’s because I’m lucky and she’s skilled."

"Yes, the long war on Christianity. I pray that one day we may live in an America where Christians can worship freely! In broad daylight! Openly wearing the symbols of their religion... perhaps around their necks? And maybe -- dare I dream it? -- maybe one day there can be an openly Christian President. Or, perhaps, 43 of them. Consecutively."

"Kansas Haiku "Ya' know Superman'sfrom here and Jor-El could'vesent him to New York."

"I would pour you a glass of wine, but wouldn’t it be more romantic if you sipped it out of my armpit?"

"This was not a fairy-tale castle and there was no such thing as a fairy-tale ending, but sometimes you could threaten to kick the handsome prince in the ham-and-eggs."

"You are speaking of my future lover. Be more respectful."

"Crying in the Rain If you cry in the raindoes anybody but you know you're unhappy?"

"Perhaps you are thinking: 'But a tank costs several million dollars, not including floor mats. I don't have that kind of money.'Don't be silly. You're a consumer, right? You have credit cards, right?Perhaps you are thinking: 'Yes, but how am I going to pay the credit-card company?'Don't be silly. You have a tank, right?"

"Expectation [10w] Eyes that see with expectation lieby not querying, 'Why."

"Sometimes when I'm talking, my words can't keep up with my thoughts. I wonder why we think faster than we speak. Probably so we can think twice."

"I just bought some cargo pants, so I can deliver goods at the speed of a walk. It’s an environmentally friendly #startup."

"Snob [10w[ I'm throwing a party so exclusive I'm not even invited."

"To summarize the summary of the summary: people are a problem."

"Together kabobs make the world better than all the Bobs combined. Well, at least ever since Bob Ross moved on to the land of the happy trees."