#humor

"With all the money my uncle embezzled over the years, it's no surprise he lives in a gated community. But what is amazing, however, is that he somehow managed to get his own cell."

"YOU FEAR TO DIE?"It's not that I don't want... I mean, I've always...it's just that life is a habit that's hard to break..."

"Are you guys busy?"Juniper asked. "Well,"I said, "we're in the middle of this game against a bunch of monsters and we're trying not to die.""We're not busy,"Annabeth said."

"Nobody can make you feel ignorant but you—the you from before, the one who skipped school and slept in class. By you, of course, I mean me."

"You should eat a waffle! You can't be sad if you eat a waffle!"

"Wisdom comes from experience. Experience is often a result of lack of wisdom."

"Accurs'd McDonalds, I Bite my Thumb at Thee! {Couplet} Let vex'd heavens rant and rage,This here McNigga slave ain't workin' for no McMinimum wage."

"Melting Icicles Haiku Drip, drip, Drip, drip, Drip:Sounds of melting iciclesannouncing the Spring"

"Great. I'd been dumped in Hell's waiting room."

"This has to be the most self-centered thing I've ever said, but no, I think you just wanted to vex me."

"You did not just say that. I have a feeling we're on the verge of hugging and coming up with cute nicknames for each other."

"Sometimes when I'm talking, my words can't keep up with my thoughts. I wonder why we think faster than we speak. Probably so we can think twice."

"I had a dream about you last night... Well I say dream I mean nightmare... you were a Yankee fan."

"I know she is going on vacation, so I knitted her a sweater. It matches the bathing suit I knitted her, and it’s as revealing as my feelings for her."

"You’re still a little shy, I see, the wizard noted. I think if you ignore evil, my friend, it tends to grow stronger. (Quinhelm, the wizard - from BRIGGEN)"

"I'll just have them change the entry in the demonology textbook from 'almost extinct' to 'not extinct enough for Alec. He prefers his monsters really, really extinct.' Will that make you happy?"

"I observe Stand Still Day. I also observe whatever I’m standing in front of at the time. I hope on that day I see how much you love me."

"I don’t want to be a supermodel; I want to be a role model."

"What I'm expecting is for you to behave like the gentleman I always thought you were."

"The Bard's Haikus about Haiku Listen to Shakespeare,'Iambic pentameterand haiku don't mix.'A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise mannever writes haiku.If you tickle usdon't we laugh? If you wrong usshall we not haiku?The good men dolives after them; the evil'sinterred with haikus.Some are born great, some achieve greatness, some scribblesome shitty haikus."